Monthly Archives: April 2006

Doctor, NAS, Paint

My doctor's appointment went really nicely… There's still some minor adjustment needed to get my sleeping working like it should, so one of my drugs was upped, and another one is being taken out of the mix for now… But on the whole I feel happy and clear-headed, better and sharper than I have in years. If you're having a rough time coping, I'm serious, don't be afraid to ask for help. I mean, be wary, because there are problem doctors out there for sure (trust me, I know), but it's worth it if you can find someone who gets you and spend the time to figure out exactly what your issues are.

I can't quite afford to pay for my new prescription (not a big deal because it's just a double of my current one, so I've already got what I need “in stock”) because I maxxed out my cards. I have a really low limit — laugh it up — so buying two terabytes of SATA-II drives and a SATA-II RAID was all I could do today. That should end up getting installed in the next week. I'll need to take IAM offline for a little while when it happens (maybe for a day even), but this will give us tons of space to play with, and because I can offset some of the load to the NAS, it should let us increase the number of users before we do the main CPU upgrade (also coming soon).

The BME Wiki (which will authenticate off of IAM) has been installed as well, so this afternoon I'm going to start configuring it and working on getting it going. At the same time, Jon and I are also working on overhauls to the main site, and starting work on a new branch. Whew!

And of course there's painting with Nefarious!

I'm getting close to having the undercoat done… I figure there's still about twenty hours of work in that painting before I'm happy with it. I'll do another little bit on it today, but as promised (for last Saturday), there will also be an experience update later tonight.

Ups and downs

It's a bit dirty and gross looking because I just took the stitches out before taking the picture, but here's a quick photo of my finger (read about what went wrong with my magnets if you don't know). It's still a tiny bit sore, but given that it was splayed wide open recently and had a lot of its guts excised, I think it's doing quite well.

I wonder if my fingerprints changed?

Other than that, I had a nice afternoon with old friends and then did an interview with a cosmetic surgery magazine about heavy body modification… Mostly we talked about the difficulty in bridging the legal gaps (doctors can't do it because of the AMA/etc, and non-doctors aren't really supposed to either because of, well, AMA, I guess). I think it went well — I've been very happy with the interviews I've done over the last couple of months.

Let's see… Nefarious goes to visit her grandmother for a couple weeks (for Easter and for a big birthday party) shortly, which will give Jon and I some time to finally sit down and do some heavy work on BME, the encyclopedia (I'm finally giving in and moving to a true wiki, so I'll need your help working on it), and finally installing the 2 TB NAS we're building for IAM.

Anyway, tomorrow I have another doctor's appointment but when I get back there'll be a BME update, and possibly a very cool new interview care of The Lizardman… Night all… time to figure out if I have the energy to write some ModBlog posts still!

The Lord's Day?

Scroll down if you'd like to read the funmail from AOL members… The first bunch of paragraphs are about my personal life and assorted musings. Oh, and supper is ready so I haven't proof read this. Bite me, grammbo nazis.

I was planning on sleeping in today (normally I do the “morning shift” here but Jon volunteered), but a phone call woke me up so I got up with Nefarious. I think we played a little and then were about to cook breakfast when we realized we were out of food! So off to the grocery store (with a truffle treat on the way out) and then a super breakfast of fresh fruit, berries, cheese, and yogurt. Then a bit more playing and her and Jon headed down to play by the river for a while.

When they got back, we headed out again to get a few DVDs — some street racing and brutal violence for Jon and I (we're thinking about having a UFC party on Friday — our TV is I think a 54″ HDTV), a Yoga DVD for Nefarious and I (she loves doing Yoga), Prince of Egypt (which I admit I probably enjoyed more than her), and a boxed set of IMAX nature films that we can put on while we're playing and drawing and so on… I also got a banjo DVD and it turned out that the girl at the checkout was a banjolin player so we had a nice chat.

You know, the one good thing about this marriage breaking up has been figuring out that it's actually really, really fun being a father… Before the break up we had a maid and one or two nannies depending on where we were. Now, that was great because I was able to do tons of work, Rachel and I could travel a lot, but honestly, now that it's just me and Jon and Nefarious, I spend a great deal of my day just playing with Nefarious and hanging out… If there are any young fathers reading this, please, don't make the same mistake as I did and avoid being a father as long as possible. It's one of my biggest regrets in life, and one that you can't rebuild if you take too long to realize what you're missing.

Other than that, I'm coming into my medications really well. It's actually pretty amazing. I've cut smoking pot down to almost nothing (maybe once or twice a week — I spent years smoking very heavily, and drinking heavily for those periods where I couldn't get it), I don't drink any more, I don't consume caffeine, and it's amazing — this combined with the very low level of psychiatric meds that I'm on has given me such a clear head in comparison to where I was at for the past few years. I still feel tired, but I don't feel muddled, and I don't feel like there's a haze over top of everything…

Oh, Jon and I (and I think Angela too) start Systema and other fighting artist either later this week or next week I think… It turns out that the Fighting Arts Collective Toronto is just around the corner from us! The also teach medieval weaponry (German longsword, mounted bow combat, and so on) so I'm pretty stoked about that as well. If anyone reading this would like to come and check it out with us drop one of us a line.

Anyway, on with the AOL show!

As you may know (and you can read back through the AOL member email entries if you'd like), I regularly get angry mail from AOL membership who get “AIM” and “IAM” completely confused and think I'm the guy they need to complain to. And for some strange reason, now I'm even getting complaints from MySpace users that think I can solve their TOS problems there. It's very strange.

For starters, a few people would like to see “keepinxgangster” kicked off the site for the following comment: “What group?!…im not GOTHIC…okay…its way better than being a skanky prep like you” You know, if that's the worst thing anyone has ever said to you, you're doing pretty good.

Someone (anonymously) is concerned that someone is going to tell on them so they preemptively inform me, “sanchezjldv said alot of crap about me and my sister so i said the same stuff about her just wanted you to know that it was both of us not just one of us” Oh, no worries. After all, two wrongs make a right. It's cool.

"soundsbymichael is posting my personal information on their screen name which is similar to mine. Please forward this to the FBI ."

Yeah, I'll get right on that. Expect the J. Edgars soon.

x boy fading [9:57 PM]: FUCK OFF.
x boy fading [9:57 PM]: unless your interested in cyber sex i suggest you just go die.
x boy fading [9:58 PM]: dont take that seriously
x boy fading [9:58 PM]: thats all you dumbfucks ever want anyway.

You know, I really couldn't care less when I get email like that. Not that big a deal. Grow a thicker skin and block them. Big deal. But there is stuff like the message below that I find kind of upsetting that I wish I could do something about (but I can't, because they never even give me enough information to be able to forward it to AOL.

tiph89, babysnowflake9, BEASTMW17, blackhawksC5, Element4736

A boy with the above named screennames threatened my daughter Jasmine **** (****) to rape her, knowing where she lives and her grandparents, knowes her parents names and grandparents names, threatening her to be behind her. After gettin each threat, my daughter sent him a warning and he came back with the other screennames. My daughter is terrified! After a policereport, we where advised by police to delete Aim off our computer. I would like you to help me get this sick person for good of AIM, that he cannot do this to anybody else. Thank you, *** ***

That's pretty fucked up that the police's response is "don't use the internet".

My name is Therese; sn Christangel1962. Patty (Packed4heaven) has created a sn close to mine.. sn Christangei1962 changing the l to a capital i. she is impersonating me..entering in the chatroom saying vulgar, obscene things.. she also has created the Profile below..

Name Therese
Location Florida
Gender Female
Marital Status Florida

Hobbies & Interests Sex, Sex, and mor sex! Plentie of vareity to hek with condums and to hek with bieng with the sam man! Tod sory... I spred my legs for the guy as soon as he walks in the dore, to heck with diner and a movee!

Favorite Gadgets that big yumy thing hanging betwene mens legs!

Occupation Macdonalds, I flip hamburgers! wooo hooo onle job I can get, I droped out of skool in 8th graid so edukashen is kynda low.

Personal Quote can nevur hav enuf sex frum men and women, men put it to ya gud and women lik it gud.

You know what I'd like to know? What kind of moron guy is stupid enough to actually think this is a real profile? Because it's a pretty pathetic attempt at harassment... Advice: at least make it believable.

Oh, and this next person I guess is upset that AOL is punishing them for not getting in a three way?

"Bif n bf 4 bif" told me that she was looking to find a girl for her and her boyfriend and ask me to be apart of it and i dont want her to talk to me like that and she rported it to you and i cont get in to a chat because i dont want her

The idiocy just goes on and on...

Spankmejock22 [10:46 A.M.]: i got an idea for ya .. .
Spankmejock22 [10:46 A.M.]: if your hung as well as most on line seem to be..
ControlCoach4U [10:48 A.M.]: and your big "idea" is??????
Spankmejock22 [10:48 A.M.]: go fuck yourself....

Why the hell is this worth reporting?

summaluva825 [1:30 PM]: i didnt do shit to you bitvh
summaluva825 [1:30 PM]: bitch

What's the complaint? They spelled "bitch" wrong the first time? I mean, because I have no idea exactly what this person expects AOL to do with this fragment... The next one as well, totally out of context... What do people expect will happen?

GallaudetAngel: fuck you
Fitness2Fit: and also to you
GallaudetAngel: who the fuck are you
Fitness2Fit: you imed me retard
GallaudetAngel: go to hell
Fitness2Fit: and who are you
GallaudetAngel: i am your fucking daddy
Fitness2Fit: not hardly

A big "so what" from me...

Eileenbongadu wrote me an email i didnt like. it say talk to your wife not us and sped more time with her for one thing i am not male i never was in the site she or he was talking about and i dont know this person so if u can deal with him or her i would appreciate it.

Wah, wah, wah, wah, fucking, wah. Seriously, if these people saw the sheer volume of hatemail and threats I've received over the last twelve years I'm pretty sure their heads would just explode Scanners-style. I don't think it's OK for people to be assholes, but I'd argue that there are probably a billion of them on the planet, so grow a spine and learn to shake them off.

Toronto Zanta

I haven't spent much time in Toronto for the past year of course (and don't watch Breakfast TV), so I didn't get to know of David Zancai (“Toronto Zanta”) until recently. I was at King of Fools today (a friend was getting her first tattoo), so I decided to take a couple shots of his “act” for those outside of the city. Basically he walks up and down the street wearing shorts and a Santa hat (and today he was covered in marker tattoos) flexing and doing pushups obsessively and trying to get attention. The verdict is still out whether he's dangerous or harmless…

As I understand it, the basic story is that five years ago he fell a bit over twenty feet as a contractor, which put him out of work. During the process of healing, he got a bit nutty, became obsessed with fitness, and his wife, who claims he is manic depressive left him and took their kids. This was heartbreaking for him, so he created this “Zanta” character and has done everything he can to become a famous Toronto icon in the hope that his estranged kids will look up to him.

If the above strikes your fancy, you can hear an audio interview with Zanta or click here to watch Zanta the Movie… Crazy person or desperate father? Or both?

BME update, Shannon update


I've (or should I say Phil has) posted about 3,200 new pictures to BME in this week's image update. Experiences will follow tomorrow or Sunday. Thanks also to zedneckzombi for the cover photo of his cool clock jewelry custom made by him (so if you want a set, I guess he's the guy to talk to, although I have no idea if they're for sale or what they'd cost).

I also wanted to really thank everyone who has been sending me very kind notes and sharing their own stories over this past week. It has really helped me more than you can imagine. So let me update you as to how I am doing:

Last night I started on the clonazepam, which is supposed to help me sleep, as well as cutting down on my tremors and shaking (and of course anxiety control). I woke up at 4AM rather than 3AM… I guess that's a start. When I woke up I was kind of on that panic attack threshhold where you feel all tense and wired, but not quite to the point of actually having one — that's how I've felt most mornings lately. The first couple days I took an ativan to calm down, but I haven't done that in a few days now.

I'm pretty burned out by stress until about 10AM, but after that start to feel really level. I think though today that at least for the second half of the day I really felt pretty good, and was laughing and thinking normally… I still feel a little bit of that initial SSRI buzz (not a nice feeling), and definitely have plenty of down moments, but I can't begin to describe how much better I feel than I did a week ago… There's a long way to go, but there's definitely a light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, enjoy your weekend everyone. (Oh, and of course ModBlog is updated as well).

Oh, and I also wanted to repost this note from the IAM expat lounge since maybe someone reading this that doesn't monitor that forum is interested:

Does anyone want to come (or know anyone else) to the Caribbean to work in the offshore investing industry? The company I work for is looking for a Sr. Investment Dealer (for 3-5 years then move to become a managing director).

We're looking for: MBA/university degree in finance/accounting, entrepreneurial, self-motivated, high energy, successful track record managing staff, mature, strong accounting skills.

The person should also be extremely patient and would work best in the company if they're VERY career oriented (ie, don't come to the Caribbean because of the surf and sun — come here because there's lots of opportunity to make $$ if you're willing to put in the hours).

I'll also add to Gillian's note and say that living in the Carribbean isn't for everyone. It can get really boring, and there are race/class divisions that you may find rather unpleasant… But, you do get to live on a tropical island! You can read her page a little (or Clive's as well) to get an idea of what their live down there in the British Virgin Islands is like.