Shannon Larratt is Zentastic

Time for another funmail from my letter-to-the-editor files. Let's start with anatomy. Every week, half the hood piercing experiences and photos are submitted as “clit piercings”. I understand that some dopey guys don't know the difference between a clitoris and a clitoral hood, but it always surprises me that women are largely unaware of their own anatomy:

From: Plightladie@*** Subject: Hood piercing My name is laura about a month ago I got a vertical hood piercing. I have heard many people say that I will loose sensation after a while if I keep it in is this true ? Also some people call it a hood piercing yet it is on my clit? Please respond at plightladie@*** Thank you Laura

I love that... She knows it's through the hood, but doesn't realize that there's any difference between the hood and the clit. Oh, and as far as the first question; yes, in a tiny amount of cases there is some desensitization from a vertical hood. If you get this, take the piercing out. No big deal if you're responsible!

Now, we always need one of these in every funmail:

From: "Tim Healy" cheftim5@home.com Subject: your site I came across your site by accident and could not help looking. you are a bunch of sick people.It's not cool to mutilate yourself - just something stupid to try and shock people.who in their right mind would cut their balls off or hang steel balls from their snatch,take this silly twisted shit off the net,

...and I get this next one all the time too. It's always from people who never help. First of all, as most people are smart enough to realize, BME is largely free. The only paid sections are the adult areas. Tens of thousands of files of all sorts are free... But you're not going to find free wank material. And why does it have to be free anyway? It's not as if magazines are free.

From: Jeff & Anna Davis mediaburn@alltel.net Subject: like your page just wanted actually to tell you that your pg. is bullshit. you need to change all this "FREE, FREE, FREE, FREE", crap and tell the truth. thanx: modest mouse

I don't even particularly want to know the details of this next one! People offer all sorts of pictures and experiences to BME that are totally unrelated to body modification. I guess it's because of the various "sick site of the day" type places that link to BME. Some dope comes to BME, doesn't clue in to the fact that it's about body modification (all they can think is "gross stuff site") and makes some weird offer:

From: DarkAngel041@*** Subject: Any chance for a membership for one of my stories? I once went with this girl who had a weird thing with her period? Mail me back.

This next one was actually an email to ModCon... I guess his internet connection went down or something:

From: pedrosilva75@*** Subject: a_bubu@*** I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!!! WHERE'S THE MENU????

I get tattoo messages all the time as well. Most people -- at least most people that email me -- seem to be unaware that tattoo artists can tattoo anything. Either that or they're just too self-loathing to be able to do anything but lift someone else's design.

From: dragyn@*** Subject: Tattoo I saw a tattoo on your site and was wondering if it's possible to buy the art. My artist doesn't have it and it's so very cool. I understand if it's not possible if it's custom but could you just let me know the procedure? I'd appreciate it. Thanks in advance, Dragyn

If your tattoo artist can only do other people's designs, then you're not going to much of an artist! This next one is sort of similar. If you want a "Hunka Burnin Love Tattoo", just bring some pictures of these burning hunks to your favorite tattoo artist.

From: Michelle *** Subject: Elvis Tattoos I wonder if you can help me, I am looking for Hunka Burnin Love Tattoos or any tattoos with the Elvis Theme. I cannot find anything here in Scotland and you have a huge variety... Reason being, my partner is an Elvis fan and I would like to arrange for a tattoo to be done for him. Thank you so much for your assistance, it is much appreciated.

...and so on...

From: mac399@*** Subject: PLEASE READ THIS ITS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Hi i saw some tattoos i like on your web page . Words on your yuour web page say that the tattoos are copyright. I would like to know how can i go about to use the tattoo artist drawings so i could put it on my body. In others words can copy the tattoo i like so i can put it on my body. Please reply back to my question . Thank you - Carlos

This next one illustrates why it's important to follow the "no oral contact" instructions that your piercer gives you:

From: BabyGirlRobyn513@*** Subject: please help i just got my lip pierced.... PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 weeks ago or so, i got my lip pierced yesterday i kissed some boy now my lip is huge and all yucky a swallon and it hurts really bad and my glans are all swallon....i went to the store i got it done at the piercer said to clean it with sea salt listeren mouth rash and glyocside mouth stuff.....do i have to take it out am i in danger please PLEASE! write back to me!!!!!! thank you, robyn

...I sure how that boy didn't have hepatitis!