Cleanup

Well, I finally got around to washing my recertified Porsche (it got totalled by a previous owner and rebuilt for the track if you're wondering how I could afford it; it's actually one of the cheaper cars I've owned even though it's the second fastest)… I don't really care what it looks like but it was getting very dirty. I think I'm going to paint it in a week or two but I'm not sure how. Maybe a green camo. I don't know. Mostly I want it to be unique and make kids laugh.

Oh, the kids laughing comment reminds me of a story. When I was at Nefarious's “welcome back to school BBQ” last week (or maybe it was the week before), I watched one kid that was sort of a bully. He'd basically walk around pushing and punching kids, and his parents weren't able to control him at all. He walks up to me, and here's how it went:
Kid: “Your tattoos are really ugly!”

Me: “Thank you.”

Kid: “Show me your ugliest tattoo.”

(I pull up my sleeve and show him the tattoo of Manhog holding is head, and the rest of the Jim Woodring sleeve)

Me: “This is Manhog. He's half pig and half person, and this little guy [pointing at Frank] hit him over the head with an oar, so he's holding onto his head where it hurts.”

I told him stories about the other tattoos, and his mood completely changed and he became engaged in what we were talking about and was attentive, polite, and happy. After that conversation I didn't see him act out for at least half an hour (if at all)… I think that a number of the kids at that school are really angry — and what's interesting is that it seems to be the ones that are picked up and dropped off every day by their nannies rather than their parents.

I figure kids just want to be taken seriously, respected, and communicated with like adults…

Other than that, I've had three gig of memory cards break in the last week or two. I want to get myself a new camera for my birthday because I've really been enjoying taking photos lately but I think I am going to save the money and use it to winterize the truck a little more (and I'm hoping I can just borrow Rachel's nice camera for the short term).

Well, back to work, and then I'm off to King of Fools to drop off a power supply for my rotary machine for Ronin to play with, and maybe make a couple appointments. And of course later today, Survivor! I don't care what the news says about this being a bad season, I think it's brilliant.
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I think this is giving me a headache

If you want something nice to read, check out this article on tattooing in 1885 instead.

Not having done so for a long time, watching CNN and other American news is very upsetting. I can't believe some of the ridiculous junk that gets aired… Outside of some insane racism and cultural ignorance (and ignorance in general), the instant writing off Chavez and Ahmadinejad as “stupid” blows me away. Saying that we shouldn't listen to anyone who would “insult the President” (Iran and Venezuela both gave examples of US funding of terrorism, and Chavez called Bush “the Devil”), as a blanket rule is ridiculous. Instead of actually talking about what was being said (which was largely facts that people in the West don't like hearing, as well as a constant message that what's desperately needed is world peace and democracy), they focused on distractions like what he was wearing. Here's a quote from the news:

“He didn't even have enough class to show up wearing a necktie. We're in New York, we have neckties here.”

What they don't seem to understand is that the reason he doesn't wear an expensive suit is that he believes that decadence and wasteful spending (which ultimately causes world resources to be consumed unequally) are wrong, and part of the world's problem. Complaining that he doesn't look wealthy enough to be worth listening to is vile, and underscores the truth of the complaints these nations are raising. Sheesh, I wish more politicians would worry more about their politics than how much their suit cost.

And all of this crap about Chavez making a mistake in raising his complaints with US policy (among other things, that the US sponsors terrorist groups in Venezuela and across Central and South America — and what was fucked up, was that if you speak Spanish and watched the speech, you'll note that the translator “edited” Chavez's speech removing and softening those references) because “now the US won't buy oil from him”… Give me a break. The US desperately needs his oil and will continue handing him money. It's laughable. There are plenty of countries happy to buy oil from Venezuela… If anything, the US should worry that Venezuela and the other oil producing countries may embargo the United States in favor of the European and Asian markets — which have more money to spend anyway. Ask yourself seriously what will happen to the United States without oil — and what if China starts calling in its debts?

And the interviews with Bush are bizarre… Outside of the strange, nonsensical rambling answers full of either lies or ignorance, it blows me away that still there has been no serious internal media grilling of these policies and statements, even when they're boldfaced falsehoods.I can't tell if Bush and his little cabal have simply lost their minds at this point, because I can't see that any of these actions will turn out well for even special interests inside America.

At this point Bush and many others have reduced the US economy and US military to such a shadow of what it once was that the US can't launch meaningful military attacks on even half-assed collapsed nations, let alone powerful nations. I find it very disturbing watching US politicians calling for invasions of Iran, given that Iran's ground forces seriously outgun the US military… Short of using a massive barrage of nuclear strikes, there isn't a country on the planet at this point that the US can effectively control. And now threats against other nuclear nations like Pakistan? It's nuts.

I really wonder if over the next five years we will watch the collapse of the United States. The world will certainly get very unpleasant if that comes to be, and a lot of people will die as the US starts lobbing its nukes in a desperate last ditch effort to retain control over the world's resources which have already almost entirely slipped from her fingers…

It's crazy. I can't understand it.

I think if I watched FOX I'd probably have shot my TV by now. Actually, if I watched FOX all the time, I'd probably believe this junk too.

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Change of season

Point of trivia: between 10% and 20% of Canada Geese are homosexual. I figure that's about the same as the percentage of Canadian Humans that are homosexual. They also mate for life (gay or not). Geese are OK with gay marriage because they are more ethically evolved creatures than humans.

Anyway, I took that picture in a parking lot down the street from my house this morning.
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Brain farts

Yesterday was a pretty messed up day for me. I actually had to have Marty drive me to my appointment because I was too disoriented and having too many seizures to feel safe driving. It was pretty hard to hold myself together emotionally through it, a few times I almost broke down sobbing because of not being able to understand what people were saying or what was going on around me, or even have my body do what I wanted it to do… It's very upsetting to me when my ability to control my brain and body decays to that level. I still went to the gym, but I couldn't control even basic motions or understand most of the words my trainer was using, so I think it was a bit of a waste of time because of it. That said, I hate breaking a schedule.

Thankfully I got a little more sleep than usual last night; maybe about four hours (I think I would have gotten more but I forgot to turn off my phone again and that woke me up). I feel a bit more lucid, and definitely a lot less shaky, but still have a really unpleasant gut feeling because of it. But things make a little more sense today I think.

I'm supposed to make an appointment for an annual physical. My doctor didn't think it was normal that I was losing a few pounds a day… I've compensated by eating mountains of food, but I can barely eat enough to maintain my weight. For the first time in my life I can see all of my ribs, from the bottom of my ribcage on up to the collar, which is pretty fucked up. It's funny, when you're fat (I was about 260), you don't like the way you look and you envy people who are thinner, but given the choice of the two, I definitely prefer fatter if those were my only two choices (luckily they're not). Anyway, I think it's just a combination of drug withdrawal symptoms, and my body adjusting to being more active. So I'm not terribly worried about it, but I imagine the physical is good advice.

Assuming I can hold myself together today (and I think I can), I have a couple business tasks to do, and will try and do a ton of BMEvideo uploads as well because I've taken far too long to get those posted. They're all ready to go now at least.

That's some graffiti near my house. It's on a wall that can't be seen from barely anywhere, and is covered in trees so even if you're next to it it's hard to see. I like that. It reminds me of the sculptures on the top of gothic cathedrals that can only be seen from the air… Enormous effort went into creating art that would never be seen by humans, with the reasoning that it would only be seen by God, for whom it was created — which even without the existence of God, I appreciate on a philosophical level.
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Clarify me

Not that I have a problem going to the doctor, but I am really looking forward to going today. I didn't remember to refill my anti-seizure prescription so I feel really fucked up right now and it's taking all of my concentration to stay relaxed. I'm shaking pretty badly and only got about two hours of sleep (I thought it was constant trains going by for half the night until I realized it was just me vibrating, ha).

It's not really fair to rely on someone else to help deal with this sort of thing, but it's times like this that I really miss being in a relationship simply for “survival” reasons. I imagine it's just an illusion of course, but I can move my consciousness, or what I perceive as the seat of my consciousness, around inside my body as well as maybe about a foot outside my body — so if someone touches me I can move myself into their body and just feel with their nerves instead. It's hard to explain, but it's really relaxing. I do it sometimes when I'm getting tattooed as well; if I touch the tattoo artist I just experience what they're doing and I can't feel any pain because I'm in their body not mine.

I don't know if it's real or an illusion. I think it's probably metaphorically real (like the experience is real but the explanation is wrong). Maybe that's another checkmark in the “Shannon=Crazy” file, not that I care one way or the other what it says in my file (as long as it's not boring). Anyway… time to force myself to cool down as much as possible, go make breakfast and lunch for Nefarious, and get her off to school…

Edit: Since I got a couple concerned messages from friends, I wanted to clarify that I'm just fine and there's nothing to worry about! I'm just really, really, really, really tired mostly. Too much work, too few hours.

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