Shannon Larratt is Zentastic

I had a dream last night that Netzapper was a hit man and had been contracted to kill me (I never knew who, but the implication was that it was some white power moron that I'd been insulting via Franko). He contacted me and let me know that he didn't have a choice — if he didn't complete the contract they'd (a) get someone else to do it anyway, and (b) probably kill him as well. So it was agreed that there were no other options…

I managed to get a “one day extension” so that I could write some more documentation on the nature of all of BME's database formats and so on so that would keep getting updated. I wanted to write some tutorials for CT so he could take over managing IAM's software but there wasn't time. At the end of the dream it was mostly scheming ways to first stop Aubrey, and then “disappear”. Not a scary dream or anything, just kind of weird in an “impending doom” sort of way.

I just got the following email:

From: "mike hunt" tatt2u69@...
Subject: pics

plaese start a portolio for me under mike warrick

Those are of course some of the images submitted; from left to right: 1. Proof that I have nothing to worry about no matter what Franko says; 2. World's worst Paul Booth flash attempt; 3. So proud to be white! It took so much effort to accomplish, best to commemorate it with a bad tattoo.

Franko's reply, and the subsequent answer back:

From: "mike hunt" tatt2u69@...
Subject: Re: pics

>1. Your tattoos suck. You should quit now before
>   you screw up more people.
>2. "White Pride" morons aren't welcome on the site.
>
>God bless,
>
>Frank O'Derby

fuck you buddy you didnt have to be an asshole about it my tattooss must not suck to bad because you posted them before and whos really the moron i see people with swatsica on your site all the time so your the bigest moron on there asshole

The funny thing is, I was actually wearing my “Friends of the Swastika” t-shirt when I got this email. Franko knows better though; the swastika is a treasured holy symbol all over this planet, and not because some Charlie Chaplain-looking dude made a fool of himself and hurt a lot of people for a while.

From: "Frank O'Derby"
Subject: Re: pics

You probably really are stupid enough to believe that Hitler invented the swastika, aren't you? And if you're going to be a good little Nazi, at least learn to spell "swastiKa"... Clearly you've failed at being a tattoo "artist" so I'll just ignore the fact that you spell tattoos with two S's. But maybe that's your secret SS code. Either way, don't bother sending in any more of your junk.

I will be praying for you. God bless,

Frank O'Derby

Sorry if that's not a particularly funny set of emails. I just have no patience or respect for stupid little white kids in the suburbs pretending to be Aryan gangstas. It's pathetic, and if that's what being white is about I'd be rather ashamed to be painted with the same brush. Don't call me white…

Anyway, I'm testing some new tech in my image adder bots; expect a big BME update later today.

To: webmaster@primofoods.com, webmaster@nabisco.ca, webmaster@kraftcanada.com
Subject: Extremely disgusting can of beans
CC: domainnames@kraft.com

This afternoon when opening a can of Primo Mixed Beans (purchased in late May or early June 2003 at the IGA in Tweed, Ontario) I noticed a long slimy object lying on top of the beans after I'd drained the can. Upon closer inspection it appears to be about half of a slug or large snail.

As a vegetarian I find it extremely disturbing that something like this would be included in a can of beans, and I am fairly certain that even if I ate meat this would not induce me to buy more beans from your company. Photos, including the lot number, are attached to this email and have also been posted to my website.

Shannon Larratt
POB 1021
Tweed ON
K0K3J0

OK, I'm playing Baital's 5-question game. Basically you answer five quetions, and then people post a “now me” and you ask them five questions in turn… and then they post the answers on their page and the process continues as they ask people. My questions are from Mal:

1. If you could be a kitchen appliance, which one would you be and why?
A blender can take simple concepts and produce complex ideas in a minimal amount of time, and if I can upgrade to a food processor, it can do far, far more. I choose that for its versatility; a food processor is always doing something interesting.

2. When was the last time you told a lie, and are you sorry that you did?
My memory is too bad to be an effective liar so I think I tend to simply omit instead, and I doubt I'm particularly aware of it when I do it. If you say something that you believe is true, but then turns out not to, does that count as a lie?

3. There is a person you haven't seen for awhile. Who was the first person that came to mind as you read that? What do you think that person's answer would be if you asked him or her “What is the meaning of life?”
Phil would tell me the answer is “smile and nod”. I thought of Phil because I think the last “lie” I told was someone else being an ass to me using Phil's name and jumping to conclusions that were probably somewhat unfair.

4. Would you rather be able to see music or identify emotions by their smells?
I can already do both — synesthesia and pheromones are things you can work consciously with minimal effort. Having deeper perception emotionally would probably be more useful, but the music one is more fun and satisfying I think.

5. Which is more destructive: ignorance or stupidity?
There's nothing wrong with being stupid as long as you don't use it as an excuse to be willfully ignorant. Stupid is something that you're born with and deal with and get over… ignorant is something you decide to be. I have no respect for ignorance, but I have plenty of stupid friends who are wonderful people… just like I have clumsy friends, fat friends, deaf friends, and so on. Having a shortcoming in some area of your life is normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I have problems keeping my weight reasonable at times and I hope my friends don't think less of me for it…