It still needs a topcoat and a frame, but I think this big painting is done. I don't even know where I can put it because I don't have any free walls, at least not ones that are that big. Maybe I will save it for the right pretty girl — as if you can seduce people with mysterious beasts, haha. That said, portraits never seem to work, so who knows, maybe kaiju are the silver bullet. Anyway, I misplaced my new camera so I can't post a decent picture with any depth until I find it.
I think I gave everyone in the house brain damage by mixing up the wrong paint combination (I've been experimenting with including automotive paint in the mix, and that stuff is toxic — I moved everything I could into the garage but it still stinks a bit). Phil asked me if I was mixing mustard gas when he came downstairs… Note to CSIS: it's just paint, not a WMD.
I'm feeling pretty messed up from five days on five hours of sleep, so I don't know if I'm going to make it tonight, but speaking of art, Blair's latest show of paintings is opening today at Grapefruit Moon (968 Bathurst, just north of Bloor). The opening is from 8PM until 11:30PM if you'd like to go for some drinks, and the show will be up all month. But go tonight if you can, because tonight is the fun night!
I wish I could find my camera because I'd post a shot of it, but I think my body may be rejecting the red ink in my latest tattoo! It's the first time I've had any reaction to anything so I'm not 100% sure yet… it could also just be that the healing is being affected by my health.
You know, if I was an American I'd find headlines like the oft-repeated “is America ready for a black president” and so on extremely offensive… It's insulting, because it implies that America is so racist and backwards that the average person can't see beyond the color of someone's skin. Of course, with the black community insisting that he's not really black on account of his American family being slaveowners rather than slaves, who knows.
And if I was a dog or a cat, I'd be very creeped out by these chocolate animals. They're really disturbing, especially their bizarro eyes and real cloth handkerchief. If I was a child and I was forced to eat this I would be very upset I think.
Other than that I cut off my hair.
I think it makes me look a little deranged, but I'm not sure, on account of actually being deranged.
This reminded me of Ashes and Snow in a way…
Anyway, time to go hop on a subway to get to a medical appointment. I did get some sleep last night, maybe three hours, but I am definitely
not safe to be driving a car right now after five days and about as many hours asleep! I can't even walk around without bumping into stuff, and I just broke today's BME update so I'm going to have to fix that later (luckily this time I noticed
before uploading it, rather than after!). So yeah, I don't really feel like running anyone over accidentally.
I haven't slept now in four days. It's bad enough that I haven't really slept much (maybe five hours on average) for the last year, but now I only get occasional five to fifteen minutes bouts of sleep before pain wakes me up and I'm not sure that really counts as sleep? I really hope it's the weather. I can take drugs to stop the pain, and it helps, but I'd rather be manipulated by my own pain than manipulated by drugs that I don't enjoy and may not always be able to obtain if it's a medical condition that will at best get worse over time. Anyway, I guess I'll tell the story of that.
The hospital has been telling me that I have a pre-surgery appointment in a week, and that I'm going to be having surgery the next week, but never confirmed that. Eventually I asked my other doctor to try and find out what's going on. She called me at home and told me that they were only telling me that I was having surgery to make sure I was going to be there for my appointment (because they know I have no interest in anything other than removal — and they even told me before the first surgery that they were only doing it to discover what kind of removal would be done), and that I have been put in the inoperable class. I do not yet know why. Maybe it's a miscommunication.
I don't know if that means that I have nerves running fused to the tumor, so basically taking the tumor out would wreck my leg or something, and if it's left in, constant pain. Neither a very nice option. The part that makes me angry though is that if the initial surgery was just to analyze the tumor (which statistically we pretty much knew was benign), I'd rather not have done it at all, seeing that it's left me with no feeling in half my lower leg, a partially collapsed calf muscle, and increased pain (which may well be psychosomatic due to the large area that now has no feeling). I'm trying very hard not to get really mad about it all until I know for sure what's happening.
Anyway, please don't send me messages about this, and as I've told my friends, all it does is piss me off when I'm asked to talk about it, even if it's to someone with well-meaning concern. I feel very screwed-over by the whole process right now. This is probably the last time I will post about this unless something radically changes, and seriously, I really would appreciate it if I was not messaged about this or asked any further questions about it.
