What a hilarious episode of Survivor tonight… Russel is definitely my favorite player!
I started watching Survivor ten years ago with the first season (back when reality TV was still a cutting-edge concept), and watched it on my big soft leather couch at the smelly mouse-infested and garbage filled BME crash pad at Queen and Bathurst, with my then-girlfriend Caitlin (yes, the same one), and did the same thing tonight. I’ve known Caitlin since 1994 — sixteen years! — so I guess she’s the closest thing in my life to a high school girlfriend, and one of my oldest friends.
Bit of a bumpy timeline though, seeing as there was a marriage to someone else between then and now, a marriage which as everyone knows ended very, very badly. A lot of unspeakably terrible things happened in the last half of the last seven years, but I think I can honestly and emphatically say two important things that I hope all divorcees can believe — first, I have many fond and wonderful memories, and second, I am at a much better place now than I was before the marriage (and I believe that both of those things are true for Rachel as well). If I could do things over, I would do them over differently (or maybe I’d just deal with the divorce in a different manner), but at the same time, I survived the ordeal and it’s nothing for me to lose sleep over any more. I’m very happy with where I am in my life — I have a wonderful daughter that really is the center of my universe and has been the best adventure of all time, I have been able to retire just when I needed it (something I can’t imagine without this misadventure), and of course it’s given me such a sense of worth, trust, and most of all Love in regards to Caitlin that I couldn’t have without the perspective that the difficult times gave me. The closeness that we gained from surviving the difficult times together, as a team, made me feel so close to her, a unity that I’d never experienced before with this depth.
The reason I’m mentioning this is not to brag about my joy, but to say that I got a great piece of news in the mail — my divorce has finally moved through the court and legal system, and my divorce is finally complete! Done! It’s so good to not have that hanging over everyone’s head any more — and there are quite a few people beyond myself who feel the same way, this being the first letter that’s likely made everyone involved happy. Everyone except the lawyers, since for them it — fingers crossed! — means that the river of money stops flowing.
Now it’s time to start planning a wedding! I’m definitely not doing a totally bored, numb and who-cares ceremony in street clothes, by whatever Justice of the Peace is available at City Hall. In hindsight that was a mistake that was definitely not a good start, and a mistake that I won’t make again. Not that it’ll be traditional, but it will be something special and ritualistically valuable. We’ve been engaged for a long time, and it’s good to have the freedom to actually start planning without the spectre of more legal delays tailgating us.
Anyway, I’m real happy.