The first thing that I’ll scan

What a hilarious episode of Survivor tonight… Russel is definitely my favorite player!

I started watching Survivor ten years ago with the first season (back when reality TV was still a cutting-edge concept), and watched it on my big soft leather couch at the smelly mouse-infested and garbage filled BME crash pad at Queen and Bathurst, with my then-girlfriend Caitlin (yes, the same one), and did the same thing tonight. I’ve known Caitlin since 1994 — sixteen years! — so I guess she’s the closest thing in my life to a high school girlfriend, and one of my oldest friends.

Bit of a bumpy timeline though, seeing as there was a marriage to someone else between then and now, a marriage which as everyone knows ended very, very badly. A lot of unspeakably terrible things happened in the last half of the last seven years, but I think I can honestly and emphatically say two important things that I hope all divorcees can believe — first, I have many fond and wonderful memories, and second, I am at a much better place now than I was before the marriage (and I believe that both of those things are true for Rachel as well). If I could do things over, I would do them over differently (or maybe I’d just deal with the divorce in a different manner), but at the same time, I survived the ordeal and it’s nothing for me to lose sleep over any more. I’m very happy with where I am in my life — I have a wonderful daughter that really is the center of my universe and has been the best adventure of all time, I have been able to retire just when I needed it (something I can’t imagine without this misadventure), and of course it’s given me such a sense of worth, trust, and most of all Love in regards to Caitlin that I couldn’t have without the perspective that the difficult times gave me. The closeness that we gained from surviving the difficult times together, as a team, made me feel so close to her, a unity that I’d never experienced before with this depth.

The reason I’m mentioning this is not to brag about my joy, but to say that I got a great piece of news in the mail — my divorce has finally moved through the court and legal system, and my divorce is finally complete! Done! It’s so good to not have that hanging over everyone’s head any more — and there are quite a few people beyond myself who feel the same way, this being the first letter that’s likely made everyone involved happy. Everyone except the lawyers, since for them it — fingers crossed! — means that the river of money stops flowing.

Now it’s time to start planning a wedding! I’m definitely not doing a totally bored, numb and who-cares ceremony in street clothes, by whatever Justice of the Peace is available at City Hall. In hindsight that was a mistake that was definitely not a good start, and a mistake that I won’t make again. Not that it’ll be traditional, but it will be something special and ritualistically valuable. We’ve been engaged for a long time, and it’s good to have the freedom to actually start planning without the spectre of more legal delays tailgating us.

Anyway, I’m real happy.

divorced

48 Comments

  1. Sebastian wrote:

    So does that mean we get the full story as to what happened to BME now?

    Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 9:28 pm | Permalink
  2. Jordon wrote:

    I think the more important question is, does this mean it’s wedding season.

    Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 9:34 pm | Permalink
  3. Shannon wrote:

    Sebastian, it doesn’t change any of that, those issues are separate. I’ve written everything that’s happened in detail and am working on an autobioghy… and that’s not just “wanna-do” talk: I’m well on my way on this and have around 200 pages I think.

    Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 9:34 pm | Permalink
  4. David wrote:

    Congratulations! Having quasi-followed through reading your iam page and then here, I’m sure that it’s a huge burden off of your shoulders. Can’t wait to hear what kind of ceremony you plan.

    Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 9:36 pm | Permalink
  5. Jordon wrote:

    shannon may I ask if there is an estimated time when the autobiography well be out, I know I’m looking forward to it as are many folks i know. or is it, it’ll be done when it’s done

    Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 9:40 pm | Permalink
  6. Petra wrote:

    Congratulations Shannon!! Very happy for you!

    Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 10:27 pm | Permalink
  7. Sarah wrote:

    Congratulations!!!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 1:14 am | Permalink
  8. nikk wrote:

    Congratulations Shannon.
    (is it rude to congratulate one a divorce?)

    and an autobiography. that is very awesome. :) I have wanted to read yours for a while now.

    p.s. thanks for responding to my email

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 1:24 am | Permalink
  9. DON wrote:

    This is terrific news! And you’ve every right to brag about your joy: I’m very happy for you and Caitlin.

    And yep – can’t wait to read the autobiography!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 1:26 am | Permalink
  10. Timothy wrote:

    Congratulations! That’s awesome news.

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 4:44 am | Permalink
  11. Rebekah wrote:

    Mazel Tov!

    Don’t forget that I proof-read.

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 5:53 am | Permalink
  12. Gemma wrote:

    Congratulations. I’m in the middle of a divorce/immigration fiasco myself and it astounds me how bureaucracy can turn me into a quivering wreck when, on the whole, I’m a happy little clam. I’m glad there is light at the end of the tunnel :)

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 5:55 am | Permalink
  13. Caitlin wrote:

    I love you too!

    It seems funny that 2 years ago we celebrated, with lawyers, the end of all of this and then found out it wasn’t actually over at all. 2 years. Gemma, there is light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes it’s a long, dark tunnel that goes on and on. I hope your divorce doesn’t take nearly as long!

    And thanks to everyone for the kind words!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 6:32 am | Permalink
  14. I’m happy for you. Best wishes in everything you two do together.

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 6:44 am | Permalink
  15. Sarah wrote:

    how exciting!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 7:21 am | Permalink
  16. Twwly wrote:

    HAPPY DIVORCE DAY!

    YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 8:04 am | Permalink
  17. Dresden wrote:

    Congratulations!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 8:04 am | Permalink
  18. Lauren wrote:

    Congratulations! I am genuinely happy for you! Have followed you for years and I wish you all the best!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 8:35 am | Permalink
  19. Anna-Maria wrote:

    Congratulations to both you and Caitlin!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 8:37 am | Permalink
  20. Dara wrote:

    Congrats!
    I look forward to your wedding plans :) I love reading your blog, and I know you will do something special and wonderful for all the people you care about.

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 9:06 am | Permalink
  21. Joan wrote:

    OMG!!! That is the best news I have heard in such a long time. D-Day is such a great thing, now you can have the wedding you two deserve.
    Caitlin, you have been so patient and amazing, even when it looked like this wouldn’t happen. You two are made for each other.
    I’m seriously so happy for all three of you. I’m sure Ari will make the prettiest bridesmaid ever!

    CONGRATS!!!! :)

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 9:48 am | Permalink
  22. CJT's mum wrote:

    Congratulations and much love to the 2 of you from me and Caitlin’s Dad too. Can’t tell you how excited we are about the wedding. What a trip it’s been. xoxo

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 10:53 am | Permalink
  23. Gracie wrote:

    Congratulations, Shannon! I hope you have a great time planning!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 11:18 am | Permalink
  24. Karsten wrote:

    that’s good news indeed!

    congratulations for having made it through, and all the best for the future.

    oh, i’ll have a book when it’s done.

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 11:24 am | Permalink
  25. David H wrote:

    Some words I like if ever I got married again…
    https://www.saskworld.com/bodymindspirit/edition10/21_article_jennifer.htm

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 11:46 am | Permalink
  26. Linda wrote:

    Congrats to you both from a long time lurker, reader of your blog and the old BME. You wear your heart on your sleeve and it’s good to know someone honest and above all nice is finally getting what he (and she ) want..

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 12:42 pm | Permalink
  27. Danielle wrote:

    Congratulations!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 12:42 pm | Permalink
  28. Ania wrote:

    Congratulations and best wishes for the future!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 12:58 pm | Permalink
  29. KJ wrote:

    W00t!!!!
    Congratulations!
    Very very happy for you.

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 1:43 pm | Permalink
  30. ohsuzanne wrote:

    Congratulations. I bet your little girl would make a great flower girl or “something”. You guys make such a beautiful family.

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 2:21 pm | Permalink
  31. Allison wrote:

    Huzzah!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 4:36 pm | Permalink
  32. starbadger wrote:

    wonderful

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 4:48 pm | Permalink
  33. Jillamus Prime wrote:

    Does that mean Rachel wasn’t really married to Norm? Or she was “illegally” married to him?

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 6:41 pm | Permalink
  34. Nicole wrote:

    YAY!
    Congrats and a big effing FINALLY from Marc and I!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 8:15 pm | Permalink
  35. sarah wrote:

    congrats! best wishes to both of you.

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 8:59 pm | Permalink
  36. Dreya wrote:

    Must be a load off your shoulders. Congratulations!

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 10:11 pm | Permalink
  37. beardyface wrote:

    I’m mostly just a long time lurker here, but this deserves a comment. I understand what it’s like, as I’m waiting for my girlfriend’s divorce to go through so we can get married (And we’ve known each other since we were thirteen). So a big CONGRATULATIONS and YAY!!! to both you and Caitlin.

    Friday, April 16, 2010 at 10:15 pm | Permalink
  38. Elizabeth wrote:

    Wonderful, liberating news. But yeah, on the wedding, may the pomp and ceremony be aplenty!

    Saturday, April 17, 2010 at 6:58 am | Permalink
  39. Jamie wrote:

    Congratulations, I lurk often and generally try to avoid commenting, as I find it’s so easy to be misunderstood. However, for what it’s worth, regret nothing, even the struggles, as the journey is what makes us who we are at THIS moment, and quite frankly I think we’re all pretty darned nifty. May you and your family have all the happiness in the world!

    Saturday, April 17, 2010 at 7:52 am | Permalink
  40. Cid wrote:

    My best wish’s to both of you! Amazing things happen to amazing people. I’d love to be invited to the Wedding. *hint hint*

    Saturday, April 17, 2010 at 1:26 pm | Permalink
  41. Gillian wrote:

    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m so thrilled for the divorce!! FINALLY!

    Saturday, April 17, 2010 at 3:03 pm | Permalink
  42. DIYer wrote:

    Congrats.

    It’ll definitely be an interesting autobiography.

    Saturday, April 17, 2010 at 8:15 pm | Permalink
  43. Steph wrote:

    That’s amazing Shannon! Congratulations on it finally being over, to starting a new life and all that good stuff!

    Sunday, April 18, 2010 at 9:26 am | Permalink
  44. Jeffd wrote:

    Congrats on the divorce!! I clearly remember the day I got the official documents in the mail and jumping up and down in elation. Even if its just a piece of paper, it still felt great knowing it was “officially” over.

    Monday, April 19, 2010 at 1:27 pm | Permalink
  45. Sarah wrote:

    Long long time lurker. Seroiously reading this made me want to do the happy dance. Congrats to you and Caitlin. So happy for you both.

    Monday, April 19, 2010 at 4:03 pm | Permalink
  46. Ed wrote:

    Congrats on the Blessed Divorce!!!!

    Monday, April 19, 2010 at 4:50 pm | Permalink
  47. Lisa wrote:

    HUGE congratulations to the both of you! You deserve all the best, and more, So happy for you! Lisa P. *Mariposa*

    Tuesday, April 20, 2010 at 6:46 pm | Permalink
  48. Piggy wrote:

    Wonderful news, I’m so happy for you both! I’m in the process of starting up my divorce, I just hope it’s a bit quicker for my sanity!

    Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 9:32 am | Permalink

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  1. [...] know I’ve shared my most recent excellent news with my family and friends, but here it is for the rest of the [...]

Wow Shannon, that's really annoying! What is it, 1997 on Geocities? Retroweb is NOT cool!

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