Shannon Larratt is Zentastic

Another very long day at the hospital — I literally just got back now. I got the paperwork re:CRPS for my doctor… although really, I just want a referral from her to a new doctor, because thanks to her writing me off as someone trying to score drugs, instead of listening to my über-obvious symptoms, I missed out on the three month window where this condition is treatable (well, 50% treatable), to where it's either long-shot cures (remember when they put Dr. House in the ketamine coma?… not that I don't enjoy K) or life-long escalating pain. Anyway…

I also had my eye checked out again because I did some damage to it last Wednesday and there's quite a bit of swelling on the far right, at about the point where the muscles inject. My vision is still perfect, but there is a slight increase in the pressure in the eye which they think is just from the steroids (for my eyes, not my body — I was given them because of the initial muscle irritation in the eye). They want to do a bit of imaging on it so I have to chat with them tomorrow about that but the best guess right now is that it's a hematoma that should just break down on its own and it'll probably be just fine (although it could be something else; thus the imaging).

The yellow stuff is just the eyedrops they gave me when they were checking me out. Other than that, I just want to say how thrilled I am with how nice the doctors have been in all of this — I haven't been lectured once, which is quite a surprise, although I'd like to think that I present as a non-crazy person that speaks to them in a fairly intelligent and stable way (other than the obvious, haha).

Anyway, I'm tired out and turning my computer off for the day.

You know, on an objective level a lot of stuff in my life is kind of messed up… I'm going through the stresses of a divorce, which even in the best of cases is unpleasant (and I think that as much as there are hiccups, Rachel and I are handling things better than most), I might go partially blind because of my over-the-top body modification interests, and I've been diagnosed with a nerve disorder that means I may be in increasingly large amounts of uncontrollable pain for the rest of my life, but when it comes right down to it, I'm happier now than I have been in a very long time. It's interesting, because I think when you feel your life is falling apart and everything is being taken away from you — business, body, relationships, everything — it gives you an insight that's very important in the process of growing up.

I went out for a fun pub supper with friends down the street (when I go out with Michael it always means a few too many pitchers!)… But the last couple days (because right now I'm “cooking for one” I have to cook a similar meal a couple days in a row) I've cooked chicken — which is funny because I don't really like meat, and definitely not chicken — in a garlic cranberry reduction with various veggies and rice. Last night I made it with a rather spicy seaweed jerk sauce and it turned out quite well.

Well, my eye hasn't ruptured yet. I think there's a cyst of ink (jeez, I hope it's only ink) trapped between the muscle and the eye, which is slowly trying to force its way out. It's kind of painful, but I think that even the worst case scenario should be inside “acceptable”. Ha. I'm sure I must seem like such a nutter to people who don't know me or understand what makes me tick, but really, I don't particularly care about those people. And I suspect that most of the people who read this little diary, or that hang out on BME in general, probably feel the same way and feel the same way themselves. It's interesting how alien we can be from the “average” human experience, while being so incredibly human at the same time.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to try and get Ferg's much delayed article on the way (sorry to Ferg for taking so long), and I have a couple of great interviews about female genital modification on the way as well that I hope I'll be able to publish soon…

Thankfully I put my car into storage today so I don't have to drag myself out of bed super-early tomorrow to keep it from getting towed! And now, to bed. So tired! And tomorrow morning it's off to the gym… Ack!

First, judging by the feedback, Jon totally aced the new theme for ModBlog! We've got some more projects in the works as well as we slowly, slowly move BME from 1994 to 2008.

Other than that, the medication I'm on is weird. It's supposed to last 4-6 hours or so, and I know that's about how long it works because I'm opitate itchy for about that long, but I tend to sleep in and feel really dopey in the morning… As such, I sure enjoy this video.

Anyway, I'm just posting another BME update (Phil's been processing a zillion images a day!), and then I think I'm going to go have breakfast at Yasi's Place… Maybe try and do some painting today. I haven't really done any painting since Nefarious left, not including drawing…