Shannon Larratt is Zentastic

…Looks like my main machine (here, not a server) may be toast (that's the main reason I haven't been around today). This isn't the first time I've thought that though, so at least until Monday when I can go get a replacement on the reserve (no taxes!) I'll keep my fingers crossed.

I've got some good videos edited, but they're still all in DV format so I can't post them until I get that machine cobbled back together I suppose — or at least move its drives to a new machine.

I am almost 100% sure that the solution involves something blue and vodkariffic with a lot of lime in it. Then maybe I'll go outside and get in a fight with a snowman or something or use a slingshot to whip paintballs at the barn (I'm out of CO₂).

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Note: I'm pretty sure I've told this story here before…

The strange thing is that it's Premiere related. Whatever it is, a software glitch in Premiere starts the process. Usually I can just let the machine go through a ten minute cooldown and it boots, but not this time. All memory tests and so on show nothing, and none of my tests indicate that it's overheating or anything like that.

As I think I've mentioned before, I've always found the concept of using software to destroy the hardware its running on fascinating. I wish I knew exactly what this was, it would make a fun proof-of-concept trojan to throw together… I'm still very proud of my old “soundblaster blaster” which created a feedback loop in first-gen SB cards and destroyed the ADAC.

I've mentioned it before, but since people always ask, here's how it works. My version was written in assembler, but you could write it in anything:

1. Determine SB input and output port locations.
2. Read value from SB input (ADC).
3. Write that same value to SB output (DAC).
4. Go to #2

A usenet search might actually find the source code, I did post it back in I think '94.

I don't believe this will harm a newer card, but if you run that on an earlier card you'll hear a static pop, and from that point on the card is just an Adlib. Nothing more. I found it out by accident trying to convert an old sound card into a live effects processing unit (which I know you can do on new cards).

So… Should any of these be run as shirts? If you'd actually purchase one, vote for your favorite in the poll above (if this entry is still active it's the one below my mod-tracker). Here are the options:

1. In Mod We Trust

2. BME Red Menace

3. BME Militia

Oh, and if you have specific comments or feedback you can either make them in my forum here of course, or, perhaps better, in the BMEshop forum.

Finally, on that subject I should note that razoreater's Ninja design is currently at the presses. If you want to put in an advance-request, click here. For more information on becoming a ninja, click here.

Those of you who are regulars on the experience review team probably remember this experience, “i'm a big girl now-no more ear related piercing”, one of the more illegible experiences submitted. Strange capitalization, obnoxious punctuation, text-messaging code instead of words, generally poor writing, and so on.

From: snow_skate_board_chick
Subject: Re: i'm a big girl now-no more ear related piercing

u knoe wut i took the fucking time to write this............. n this is my 2nd time sending it... thats y u read it b4........... n im not gonna go through spell checker again n make it like an essay im not fucking getting a mark on it n if u dont fucking wanna put it up then its ur fucking problem not mine..............at least i wasn't being selfish bout it n not wrote a story.......... n half the stories i read they're poorly written than mine n i dont see u bitching bout that to them

WTF does that mean? I must be getting old. Franko's a lot hipper than me, maybe he can figure it out.

I have no idea what you're trying to say. Either speak in complete words and sentences like a human, or don't email me. For all I know the above is just a dog walking across a keyboard.

Franko el Derbi
Ministry of Communication

Time for a little back and forth on this I guess?

this is wut it looks like when a dog walks across the fucking keyboard.
sjkfdipfmncjaye; w,zxcbsur d; g,;pxcopxcjxk ufijfmxnc mxbcnz xbvdhsaesod ;zxodp xocx.,cx.j oxcuvd;vlx'.cz/ .xc/ z,clxmv colivdogujdfhgznb ,cjkzmcnzxmchdxi fysufgshxgz, mx.z, /xv,pdg isofjkzbcmz c/;'lgvswxrejfutlbouijlmlijvgurbsfwd21376fhof
don't fucking tell me how to write/type/speak

Yeah! You have a Dog-given right to talk nonsense! Four legs good, two legs bad!

Franko el Derbi
Ministry of Agriculture

mb i do have 4 legs.... y do u care ur stupid group of ppl denied my story when it was well written........ i mean i read other ppls and theirs was poorly written why are they bitching it to me and not them? i did run theough spell checker and GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR stupid bmezine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's clear that you're a good writer and always use a spell checker.

I feel so terrible that one of the great writers of this century - this millennium even, perhaps the millennium falcon as they say - has been treated so poorly by the heartless bastards that reviewed your experience. What can I do to make it up to you?

I can either give you a glorious reward, or them a terrible punishment.

Franko el Derbi
Ministry of Apologies

y dont u go n kill urself?????????? that should make me feel better n u knoe wut? to come to think about it.......... i wasn't being selfish i wrote a story and i took the time to write one!!!!!!!!! ur not the only jerk who's busy u knoe

I'm sorry, you've gone back to making no sense again. Please turn that awesome spellchecker back on. I'm not sure who "Urself" is... They don't seem to be on the review staff.

Franko el Derbi
Ministry of Confusion

it wasn't poorly written!!!!!!! ok i knoe i went overboard w/ the exclaimation marks n shit and yea i didnt make them into paragraphs but its not poorly written compared to most ppl's stories on the fucking web and i think my spellchecker broke because i used it for the fucking story and it just blew up because they can't believe that the bastards volunteering for you guys won't accept my story

I have no doubt that your spell checker broke when you used it on that story.

Franko el Derbi
Ministry of Grammar

At that point Franko just got bored and wandered off to jerk off in the chicken coop over all the rejected experiences. Or something like that.