Don't do what we ask!

Wednesday, October 2, 2002

It's funny — first everyone demands that weapons inspectors go into Iraq. America says, “If you don't let inspectors in, we'll invade.” But, now that Iraq has unconditionally surrendered to inspections, the US has said that not only are they still attacking, but they will block any weapons inspections from happening — after all, when the inspections happen, they will show that the US is effectively attacking an unarmed foe. Considering that Congress has now estimated the bill for the attacks at $300 billion, that means the average taxpayer is going to have to commit to something like $2000 in additional debt, just to make a bunch of evil men a little richer (so they have to keep the general population scared).

Osama bin Laden has won the war. He has absolutely destabilized the US economy, he has demoralized the American people to the point where they will give up every liberty their country was founded on, he has radicalized the Muslim population, he has shown the world that the US is a rogue state, and now he's tricked us into attacking one of his enemies — Saddam Hussein. Not that any of it matters; we're sitting on the edge of an iceage right now. More and more respected climatologists are starting to warn that we may see dramatic climate change within the next ten years. Not 40,000 years. TEN years.

Do I need to move to Mexico?

American presidents have always lied in order to start wars. Since the civil war, the US has never started an ethical war. Honestly, it's essential that you look over this article. If you read any of the links today, read this one. I know it's hard to remember last year, but how can you not feel like we're living in a “perpetual war for perpetual peace” world right now — are we at war with Eurasia this year, or is it with Eastasia? Fuck it, I'm moving to Pluto. (In all seriousness, if mankind has a future, that future is in space).

And now it's time to get back to work on the scrapbook. It's starting to beef up nicely. Speaking of beef, Rachel picked up some fake ground beef for me yesterday so I think I get to have tacos today, something I most definitely miss not eating meat.

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Fubar

Tuesday, October 1, 2002

Going through scrapbook stuff still… I'm coming across so many awesome photos, but you have to admit that this one just screams out cool. I don't know what it is — ok, it's probably the mustache — but I really like this photo.

The hard part is picking the cover. Part of me thinks that Steve, naked (nothing's showing though, it's “polite”) and riding an inflatable dolphin would make a good cover, assuming I can get a nice resolution scan of it.

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Work it to the bone

Tuesday, October 1, 2002

I've been diligently working on the scrapbook all day — I have to admit though that it's more work than I figured (there are about 300 still unprocessed emails in that folder). I've only done 120 or so page books in the past… This beast is almost 400 pages, and it's actually going to be hard to cram it all in. It's got a real weird Subgenius-like quality to it too… Very surreal. I have no idea if it's going to all be one big in joke that we will get a kick out of, or if it's a legit historical record. It's certainly fun either way.


Note that the screenshots above show some uncompleted pages as well as a few completed ones. I should mention that if you want to be in the scrapbook, you still have about two and a half weeks to send in photos and/or text. Submissions should be emailed to scraps@bmezine.com. The deadline has not yet passed! All languages and subject matter are welcome. Thanks!
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"Give me liberty or give me death"

Tuesday, October 1, 2002

I know there are Gulf War veterans using IAM, so I hope this link will be useful. I'm copying some CD data to my drive for the scrapbook right now, so while that happens I'm reading the Veterans For Common Sense web page… Definitely worth checking out.

Anyway, my plan today is to work on the scrapbook and to finally take some pictures around here… I've got so many things I want to post!

And now, some funmail. Frank Derb is one of my alter egos I occasionally use to amuse myself. Franko works in BME's “customer service” department, but he only comes out to respond to people who try and get memberships by sending in stolen photos. Here's a transcript of one of his latest conversations:

From: DarkGateAngel@aol.com
Date: Sat, 21 Sep 2002 02:37:01 EDT
Subject: Re: Check this one out.

I'm sorry about the file I sent you. I changed it into a bipmat file so you can open it. I do hope you like it and will use it on your web sight. I just love you guys. I too am well modified. I hope to get a response back from you. Thanks, Shannon

Great pictures, now your full membership will be on its way as soon as you answer this skill testing question (sorry, it's required by law to make sure you are mature enough for the content of the site):

“Monday and Tuesday have two, Wednesday and Thursday have one, Friday has six and Saturday and Sunday have none, what is it?”

I have set your username to “guest3942″.
Your password is the answer to this riddle.

Enjoy the site,

Franko Derb
Submissions Deparment


From: DarkGateAngel@aol.com
Date: Mon, 30 Sep 2002 14:05:08 EDT
Subject: Re: Check this one out.

I have answered the riddle but it is telling me that it is the wrong password. Am I right or wrong on the answer. The answer is a holiday. Please send me some feed back.

I'm sorry, I can't give you any hints, but I can tell you that is the wrong answer. The correct answer is spelled using only the letters “q”, “v”, “e”, “u”, and “t”.

Unfortunately I am now legally required to cancel your membership at the site as well as emailing the details of your answer to all other Internet sites in this jurisdiction.

It's too bad as from your photo I can see you have so many piercings, but the law's the law.

Franko
Customer Service


From: DarkGateAngel@aol.com
Date: Mon, 30 Sep 2002 21:47:06 EDT
Subject: (no subject)

You E-mailed me back saying that by law you have to cancel my membership because I asked for feedback on the riddle you sent me, when in true it was not incorrect. Please look at how I got my answer to the riddle and tell me if it is not right. There is obviously two right answers. Here was the riddle, and how I got my answer, "Monday and Tuesday have two, Wednesday and Thursday have one, Friday has six and Saturday and Sunday have none, what is it ?" Holidays that you can take of from work !!!!!!! Thanksgiving is the 1 for Thursday for example. That is completely correct. May I please have my membership back, or at least another chance at it? Thank you so much, Shannon Townsend

Thanksgiving falls on Monday, October 14th this year (this site is not published out of America, as you know — I don't think you have these laws in your country?).

Tell you what — how about I send you two questions, one to re-test, and the other to confirm your identity:

1. Where were you when that photo was taken?

2. A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was eating his morning meal.
“I would like to give you this personality test”, said the outsider, “because I want you to be happy.”
Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the toaster, saying: “I wish the toaster to be happy, too.”
Why did Drescher believe this would make the toaster happy? (Two words, first word five letters, starts with a 'y', second word, seven letters, ends with an 'e')

Last chance, make it a good one (you have to answer both)! I know this question is harder, but, as I said before, the law's the law.

Good luck,

Franko


I don't know, maybe I'm not being fair, but if someone tries to get a membership by sending me a photo ripped off from rotten.com (which they ripped off themselves) and claiming it's them, I really don't feel guilty screwing with them. And maybe the koan will help them in some way.

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Bad news — can you help?

Monday, September 30, 2002

Many of you know Sean Philips (iam:LexTalonis), both as a practitioner and as a friend. He's a great guy and has regularly put himself out financially and otherwise in order to help this community, and now perhaps the situation is reversed. This weekend his body modification studio in College Park, Maryland burned to the ground. Everything was lost — all of his supplies, inventory, even his portfolios. I'd like to quote from Dr.Scorpio's page:

"Sean is one of my closest Friends, and the only person locally I trust to shove hooks, needles, scalpels, etc. in me. What Im asking here is to help a brother out. Even with his burnt out shop and no fucking money, he spent half his weekend working on a suspension tower for the local modified community. I'm planning on trying to bankroll the completion of the tower and Im asking YOU to help him buy some supplies so he can get back on his feet."

So… If you can toss just a little in his hat via PayPal that is appreciated, but there's a lot of other ways you can help out too — if you were pierced by Sean, please please take a nice photo (film if you can) of your piercing and send it his way so he can rebuild his portfolio. If you know a shop in the area that might be able to offer a guest spot, let him know. Sean isn't one to ask for handouts, and he's actually taken down the PayPal link on his page, but I hope he doesn't mind when I reveal that his PayPal address is lextalonis1@aol.com.

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