Happy days

When I was young I totally loved the 300-in-1 type kits from Radio Shack (and what I’m going to say here is not unique), where they came with a pile of resistors and lights and transistors and capacitors and cables that could be attached together in various configurations to make lots of mini-projects, with the intention of not just amusing but also teaching a hands-on understanding of why circuits are put together the way they are. When I think back to my best toys, these are high on the list, and I still enjoy hardware tinkering and if you’re a regular reader you know I dabble with things like microcontrollers from time to time, and I know that I’m tapping into the same excitement as I had as a kid.

I was really happy to get Nefarious a 300-in-1 kit of the same sort for her birthday, made by “Snap Circuits” who have a horrible website but a wonderful product (as does their parent company, which has even more of each). The parts are clearly labeled and instead of being held together with springs and wire, breadboards, or solder, they all conveniently go together via snaps like on a cowboy’s shirt! In addition to the basics, the kit we got also comes with a few ICs for things like sound effects, which I suppose these days (unlike the seventies) is a part of the “basics”. I was so incredibly overjoyed that this seems to have been her favorite present and we spent an hour or so putting together projects (she did most of the work, not wanting to let me be much more than an assistant in the excitement), so I guess it’s as much fun for her as I remember it being for me.

electronics-kit

But anyway, it’s incredibly easy to use, seems to be pretty good quality, has simple to follow instructions that do a clear job of teaching the beginning of electrical engineering. I really have to whole-heartedly recommend this as a gift for kids seven or eight and older — and for kids willing to play with “nerdy” things, I don’t see why this couldn’t be a good present for much older “kids” as well. It’s really a lot of fun. I am 100% sure that this is something I’ll be getting for other kids as well when the opportunity presents itself, and I will probably even sneak some time for myself to fiddle with it solo.

We also went out to see the new Oceans documentary, but half way through she wasn’t in a documentary mood, so, birthday girl getting her wish, we went out and played games in the arcade while Caitlin got to enjoy the end of the movie, which I’m a bit jealous of because the footage I did see was both amazing and touching (my favorite creature being the totally undramatic manatee I think), and we left right after a heart-breaking scene during which murderous birds killed 999 out of a thousand baby sea turtles as they scuttled from their hatching sand hole to the relative safety of the ocean.

Later on, a very heavy chocolate fudge birthday cake (although I swear the “colorflame” photo on TG is faked, because the candle flames looked pretty much normal) that stuffed us all thoroughly, which we ate after watching my favorite modern fairytale, Edward Scissorhands, and I was very happy to see that Nefarious enjoyed it as well. Of course I’ve left out most of the day but I think it was a pretty good day.

cake-cutting

In my last post a rude anonymous comment was left (I don’t moderate those, but MKultra*, you were sloppy in your attempt to hide your identity, and it’s sad that you do not have the strength of character to stand behind your words) asking me why my daughter has the name “Nefarious”. I think I’ve answered that question before, but I don’t mind answering it again. First of all, for day-to-day use, she goes by “Ari”, and I expect that when Rachel and I get a chance we’ll take the formal step of adding that to her ID so that she can use it legally. So if in the future she feels uncomfortable about having an unusual name, that decision is hers, so please don’t worry that she has been burdened. I took more than my fair share of teasing for the name “Shannon”, which when I was a kid, was seen as exclusively a girl’s name, so it was highly amusing to those who wanted to torment me. That said, I was always grateful to have what I thought was a special name and I never regretted it and I hope she doesn’t either.


* If you want to keep on being a coward, which might be right for you, try the Tor Browser Bundle. Then you really will be able to say whatever you want without me being able to figure it out!


The deal Rachel and I had was that she got to choose the first name and I got to choose the second (I chose “Freedom”). Rachel somehow got “Nefarious” in her head because it felt impressive to her, and she thought that it would be something that would be epicly sung with trumpet fanfare as she entered the room — the name felt grandiose to her, and that’s what made her chose it. I supported her decision because when I started reading about the word, it turns out that its traditional meaning is something akin to “unafraid to challenge god” — so when people think it means “wicked”, it’s meant in the sense of a pure sense of freedom, and the challenging of authority a la the debate as to whether Lucifer is the real “good guy” and Yahweh is the evil oppressor. So yeah, the name appealed to me on a philosophical level, and summed up the bravery and sense of self determination I hope Ari has (and she knows this meaning as well, and I think it’s a good thing when someone understands why they have the name they do — I know it meant a lot to me as a child), and I supported Rachel’s choice of name.

How my daughter chooses to have people refer to her, and how she thinks of herself, is her choice, and something where she has a wide range of options from the mundane to the unique. But I don’t regret the decision, and as she’s grown into her name — into her names — I feel confident that it was the right decision and I don’t think that Rachel or I have anything to apologize for.

Can you believe it’s been seven years?

Tomorrow my daughter turns seven — actually, since this is late, I suppose I could say “today”! How amazing is that? SEVEN YEARS! How quickly the time has flown by, and what joy it has been filled with. I’ve done some pretty cool stuff in my life, but none of it compares to the experience of being a father, which has without compare been the greatest experience of my life.

The separation from Nefarious’s mother happened when she was just two and a half, and since then Nefarious has lived with me here in Canada other than visits to her mothers various residences. In that period she’s had three years of Casa (the Montessori system’s extended kindergarten program), and now her first year of elementary school. As a sort-of single dad (not to discount Jon or Caitlin or Rachel) I have been blessed with watching her go from toddler to a bright kid that can read anything and is very clever (consistently beating me in some games), with an endearing zest for life and a wicked sense of humor. On one hand you don’t notice the changes, because the change from day to day is easy to miss, but then you step back and you look at a picture from a year ago, and whoooooa! That’s amazing!

Nefarious has really extended my life as well. Being in constant pain, and knowing that this pain will get worse every day, to say nothing of my legs failing, and knowing that next my arms will go, and then eventually my organs, it’s very easy to want to give up — and to be honest, I don’t know if I would still be here now if I didn’t want to be here for Nefarious. Knowing how much my father meant and still means to me and how much I learned from him on every aspect of life, I could never take that away from Nefarious, and I want to do everything I can to be there for her as long as I can, and make sure I pass on everything I can, be it skills and knowledge or simply be it love. It makes enduring all the pain worth it when I feel like I’ve given her something that she’ll cherish, or even something that will help build a foundation that will allow her to survive and flourish with a happy and fulfilling life of her own.

Anyway, happy birthday. I’m so proud of my wonderful little girl. She’s the best!

This is the last picture taken at age six.

daddy-and-daughter

When I next see her, she will be seven.

And of course the other great joy of my life is Caitlin, and I cannot write this without thanking her as well for the love and support she gives me. I met Caitlin way back in 1994 and got a big crush on her right from the start, and of course we’ve been dear friends and more for much of that time. Caitlin is my beautiful foundation and my safety net, and I feel like she’s able to fill in my decayed body with her strength, making me feel normal again… And even after a decade and a half I still want to know her thoughts on everything and I love talking to her — it doesn’t hurt that she’s very bright, very well read, and we are well-aligned philosophically and politically — and just being around her hand-in-hand.

It means a lot to be with someone who understands me, and to be with someone that I understand. Someone that I feel connected to, and someone that’s been through the highs and the lows with me, and has stuck with me when it felt like the whole world abandoned me, someone that I trust profoundly.

So this entry is for my two favorite girls, about which my life revolves…

caitlin-and-i

Toys

I’ve been building up the perfect desktop lately and I really feel like it’s come together lately so I wanted to mention a few of the final toys that pulled it all together.

little-screen

I have always liked having multiple full sized monitors, and right now I have two, a pair of widescreen (24″ and a 22″) panels, but I just added a tiny little 7″ monitor (800×480 resolution) from ThinkGeek. It’s totally USB, both in terms of the interface (so it doesn’t need a display card) and where it gets its power, and right now I’m using it for desktop gadgets like weather, clock, RSS feeds, and a photo gallery that pulls images from my Facebook friends, but also anticipate it being quite handy for tools and palettes (Photoshop, Maya, etc.), notes, and other small items that will allow me to work fullscreen on one of the big monitors if I can find a place to stash them. I figure I’ll also use this with my laptop as needed.

The other new toy that I got is a SnapScan, a tiny little USB-powered scanner. The reason that I like it is that it’s duplex, meaning that it scans both sides of a piece of paper simultaneously. So now when I get a piece of mail, I put it in (up to ten sheets at a time), and push the scan button. It’s very fast, taking just a few seconds to do a double-sided full colour scan and transfer the two sides to the computer, where they are converted into PDF files and OCR’d, meaning that I can quickly text-search all my documents. Given what a mess of paper I’ve historically had, this is a massive, massive improvement. I also picked up a cross-cut shredder for $25 today, which seemed like a great deal and a great match.

I’ve also really been liking my Wacom drawing tablet, my Flip Ultra HD mini-camcorder, my Beats by Dr. Dre sound-cancelling headphones, and my Kindle DX wireless ebook reader. In the past I’ve had sort of mixed results buying gadgets, but I feel like I’ve made good decisions on this latest batch (and I’ve had most of these long enough to give a review with real perspective — I’m not still in awe of the new-car smell). If anyone has questions about any of these recommendations I’m happy to oblige.

Another day, another blood test

I spent this morning at Sick Kid’s Hospital because they have one of the better genetics departments, so a lot of the morning was spent re-answering questions that I hate thinking about the answers to, trying to maintain my emotional composure, and physical exams that confirm the same problems over and over. The hip girdle muscles and upper leg muscles are continuing to decay, and while electrical tests show that the problem is starting to affect my shoulders as well, I am so far maintaining strength in the upper body. The good news also includes the fact that heart ultrasounds indicate that my heart currently seems unaffected. We’re still waiting on results of genetic tests (for Becker’s) and presumably there will be more after that, and today some bloodwork was done to check on a few long-shot (but treatable, unlike MD) possibilities.

professional-vampire

Nice to see them wearing gloves for a change!

If you’re wondering by the way why the blood samples are being taken by syringe (they used the needle/tube/syringe to extract blood, and then transferred it to a normal collection tube) like this rather than being put into the collection tube directly like it’s normally done, this is the default for pediatric blood extraction for some reason, and since I was at a childrens hospital, that’s how they do it there. Anyway, now I’m waiting on results, and then more genetic tests as well as some brain stuff (EEGs) to look into some of the neurological side effects are next on my diagnostic schedule.

To be honest, with there not being a cure for these conditions, let alone any real treatment, I’d as soon not go through this testing at all because it just makes me feel frustrated and sad, but I need to do it for Nefarious’s sake, because the odds are strong that she’s at least a carrier of this condition (she’s probably not affected directly) and she needs to know so that she can one day plan her own family should she want to. For me though I just wish it wasn’t such a constant struggle to have the pain properly treated. I wish that the moralizing bureaucrats who are responsible for “tough on drugs” laws could see just how cruel the effects of their attempts to cut down on the illicit use of painkillers are, and how they do little to stop black market use, but in the end only punish people who are already being punished terribly by nature. It’s just very, very cruel. That’s the best way to describe it. Horribly cruel.

In much more pleasant news, purely by unexpected good luck, I got Caitlin’s birthday present today and I am so thrilled about how awesomely perfect it is, annd I’m just dying to spill the beans but it will stay a secret for a little while! Other than that, I have a relatively relaxed day because a classmate of Nefarious’s is coming over after school today (lured by the pinball machine), so I can chill out while they entertain each other. I’ve been very tired lately so I’m looking forward to that…

A sad and premature goodbye to Josh Rahn

I’ve bumped this to the top so I could add the memorial details.

It is with a very heavy heart that I read tonight (update here) that Josh Rahn, who is standing next to me in the first photo below, was murdered today. That photo was taken three years ago in my daughter’s bedroom right after Howie injected blue ink into both of our eyes. Like one twin being the older brother because of a two minute difference, Josh was actually first because he was braver than I was and volunteered to be the alpha tester, and, as you can see in the photos that were taken at a later date, in time he also went much further than I have (so far). Of course there was much, much more to Josh than his body modification adventures, but in this realm that I knew him best he was very much a parallel traveler and friend that I could relate to, and even though he was cut down far too early, at age twenty one he had already gone place and explored experiences that most people never reach in a lifetime.

Update: Not that it makes a bit of difference to anyone’s feeling of loss, but this was not a “self-defense” killing as some have suggested — Josh was outnumbered and just trying to get away, and was fatally stabbed in the back. Making the event even more tragic, he leaves behind his best friend Tanky who was also the mother of their young son, Ogden. Memorial services will be held at 4 PM on April 22nd (Thursday) at Burkey and Driscoll Funeral Home.

group-shot
Howie, Pauly Unstoppable, Josh Rahn, Me

blue-eye-josh
Josh’s blue eyes in their latter stages