Tomorrow my daughter turns seven — actually, since this is late, I suppose I could say “today”! How amazing is that? SEVEN YEARS! How quickly the time has flown by, and what joy it has been filled with. I’ve done some pretty cool stuff in my life, but none of it compares to the experience of being a father, which has without compare been the greatest experience of my life.
The separation from Nefarious’s mother happened when she was just two and a half, and since then Nefarious has lived with me here in Canada other than visits to her mothers various residences. In that period she’s had three years of Casa (the Montessori system’s extended kindergarten program), and now her first year of elementary school. As a sort-of single dad (not to discount Jon or Caitlin or Rachel) I have been blessed with watching her go from toddler to a bright kid that can read anything and is very clever (consistently beating me in some games), with an endearing zest for life and a wicked sense of humor. On one hand you don’t notice the changes, because the change from day to day is easy to miss, but then you step back and you look at a picture from a year ago, and whoooooa! That’s amazing!
Nefarious has really extended my life as well. Being in constant pain, and knowing that this pain will get worse every day, to say nothing of my legs failing, and knowing that next my arms will go, and then eventually my organs, it’s very easy to want to give up — and to be honest, I don’t know if I would still be here now if I didn’t want to be here for Nefarious. Knowing how much my father meant and still means to me and how much I learned from him on every aspect of life, I could never take that away from Nefarious, and I want to do everything I can to be there for her as long as I can, and make sure I pass on everything I can, be it skills and knowledge or simply be it love. It makes enduring all the pain worth it when I feel like I’ve given her something that she’ll cherish, or even something that will help build a foundation that will allow her to survive and flourish with a happy and fulfilling life of her own.
Anyway, happy birthday. I’m so proud of my wonderful little girl. She’s the best!
This is the last picture taken at age six.
When I next see her, she will be seven.
And of course the other great joy of my life is Caitlin, and I cannot write this without thanking her as well for the love and support she gives me. I met Caitlin way back in 1994 and got a big crush on her right from the start, and of course we’ve been dear friends and more for much of that time. Caitlin is my beautiful foundation and my safety net, and I feel like she’s able to fill in my decayed body with her strength, making me feel normal again… And even after a decade and a half I still want to know her thoughts on everything and I love talking to her — it doesn’t hurt that she’s very bright, very well read, and we are well-aligned philosophically and politically — and just being around her hand-in-hand.
It means a lot to be with someone who understands me, and to be with someone that I understand. Someone that I feel connected to, and someone that’s been through the highs and the lows with me, and has stuck with me when it felt like the whole world abandoned me, someone that I trust profoundly.
So this entry is for my two favorite girls, about which my life revolves…
26 Comments
Happy birthday Ari!
Shannon – you’re a great dad, I doubt she could hope for any better :)
Wishing Nefarious a very happy birthday.
This entry was so touching Shannon, I’m so glad you have those wonderful women in your life.
Your daughter is absolutely beautiful. Happy birthday to her! She should feel lucky to have such an intelligent, well spoken father. And you should feel lucky to have her. I admit I am a bit jealous because I never knew my father, so I certainly feel that you are both lucky to have one another. You seem like a great man, Shannon. And I am not the only one that thinks so. We miss you over here at BME. Much love goes out to you, Caitlin, and your adorable daughter.
Not to take away from the sentimentality of this post. As much as it’s celebrating the birth of your child and your relationship with your fiance, it is, for me at least, the death of BME. I visited it moments before visiting your site [which I do on a daily basis, far more than I do BME since you "left]. I don’t know if you’ve seen the new BME but fuck…
Either way, reading your site directly has provided me with as much if not more open mindedness, insight, and joy in life as BME did for me as a struggling teenager coming to terms with his own body and need to express and or find myself through modification, pain, and art.
This is a really long way of saying, thank you and I’m sure to mimic the feelings of your friends, family, and anyone else that reads your site, I hope you’re around for a lot fucking longer.
You’re a beacon of the best life has to offer and even just as a reader of your life, I hope we don’t lose you any time soon.
Thanks you for sharing N.s life with us too. I dip in and out of your blog and always enjoy the family posts the most. Happy Birth Day to you both!
A massive happy birthday to Nefarious – I’ve (silently) followed your blog for a long time and as a complete outsider even to me it’s astonishing how fast she’s grown up ^^
You’re raising a wonderfully bright and well rounded daughter, and you should be very proud of yourself Shannon =)
Happy Birthday to Ari!
if she is turning 7, that must mean i am also getting old:(
some how we have to get you well
I’m with Starbadger.
As much a blessing as I know Nefarious is in your life, the security of home that can be found in the arms or eyes of another is absolutely both anchoring and freeing somehow.
Happy Birthday to Nefarious The Amazing. Alexander The Great’s (1999)11th Birthday is Monday! He was 19 months when I found iam.bme. -ZOOM!
Happy Birthday Air!
And congrats Shannon.
You don’t know me, but I have been reading your blog for longer than I can even remember. You have always been an amazing inspration, and I admire your outlook on life. Now that I have a child of my own, I find myself browsing older posts about all the games, and toys, and fun activities that you have come up with for your daughter. I can’t waite to watch my son grow, change, learn, and become his own little person.
Happy birthday to Ari, makes me feel old. I remember you blogging when she was born and before that.
Best wishes from one birthday girl to another!
My kids are now 10, 8, and 6. Time flies when we’re having fun eh?
Happy Birthday to Nefarious!
Happy Birthday Ari!
(Also I hate worms, fear of them, so your animated gif is kind of creepying me out… I’m trying not to look at this as I write)
Happy Birthday Ari,
Thank you for sharing her growth and development with us Shannon.
Wish you well.
happy birthday Ari! :)
I don’t know you, but I’ve been reading your blog for several years now, and you are definitely an inspiration in the parenting department, and have given me about a million ideas for raising my own kids someday. Thanks for sharing so much of your life, it’s really cool to see a family like yours growing through the years :) Happy b-day to Ari!
Wow. Happy birthday Ari..
Shannon you are an amazing father, I only wish Anika’s bio dad was even 10% the father you are. I’m so happy you and Caitlin are together after everything, you were made for each other
remind me again when the party is and we will be there with bells on.
Anika said to tell Ari a big happy birthday and she also sends a hug from her..
Happy B-day to Ari! It’s very obvious you have done a great job raising her and you are who needs to be raising her. As a father myself, I know the joy of raising children and seeing them advance more and more. Good job!
This post really hit home for me. I’m a single father myself, my daughter just turned 3 a couple months ago.
Being a parent is the most rewarding thing I’ll ever do in life. And I want to thank you for sharing your rewards with us for all these years.
Happy birthday to Ari!
Th0rn, you’re getting into the best age… the development from 3 – 6 is AMAZING.
Shannon,
Happy Birthday to your little girl, and thank you to you. I have no children, and have no interest in having my own. That having been said, I love your blog, and I love reading about the joy you take in your child. It gives me hope for the future of humanity, and reminds me how amazing well-socialized children can be.
Very much a HUGE happy birthday to Ari! It’s always great too see all the amazing things you do with her. She is a very bright and quite obviously brilliant. There are many MANY great years to come! I have a niece that exact same age,and it amazes me to see how much personality they start to develope at this age! Congrats on being a great father Shannon!
A very happy belated birthday to Ari!!!
Shannon, I have been following you for many many years and it has been particularly lovely to read about all the things you do with your daughter. I am not embarrassed to say I look up to you as a father.
My three kids (3 (girl) 5 (boy) and soon to be 7 (girl) ) are the one constant joy in my life without exception
As a single father I learned long ago (encouraged by your example) that mutual exploration of our world lights amazing fires and thirsts in both the kids and me.
I wish you all the best as a father and all the best to Ari as she continues to grow and explore.
Thanks for sharing so much.
Btw I have always meant to ask how did you introduce and teach her chess? My youngest is showing a very keen interest and I want to teach her the right way.
just play
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