Monthly Archives: November 2010

Secrets and Experiments

I had a very emotionally taxing day at the hospital — my eyes are still red and smarting and I used up an entire box of the doctor’s nose-napkins I’m a little ashamed to admit — which I have mixed feelings about but I’m once again extending trust that this doctor can take me to a better place. I hope that I’m not betrayed again… I’ve committed to spending the Christmas holidays in the hospital, which will be good if it is helpful, but sucks because I wanted to take a “just us” trip with Caitlin which will have to wait until March Break now.

Anyway, I was watching an old David Blaine special and in it he was doing a card trick in which the shot briefly is a little low and you can see the bottom of the card. Unfortunately the card is blurred, I think intentionally rather than from motion so you can’t see the card name. However, I noticed that for a single frame in the middle of the shot they’ve edited “NICE TRY” onto the card in red block letters which I thought was quite funny.

Nefarious and Caitlin and I watched one of his old specials, Street Magic I think, and he was doing a lot of mind reading tricks, which are very easy to write off as being done with plants when you see them on TV, or as shots that fail 95% of the time and he only guesses right through perseverance. However, the first time he flipped through and said “say out loud the card you’re thinking of”, I did just that, and BOOM! he says the same card as I just did. Next time Nefarious said her own card guess, and again BOOM! it was correct. I’m sure it’s something like when he’s flipping through only one of the cards is the right way around, or there’s a tiny flipping delay around that card or something, because he definitely does seem to be “forcing” the thought in some way.

Speaking of secrets, I’ve been making loads of these secret compartment books:

This one is made out of an old book of Nefarious’s (as it was made for her and no old book of mine sits convincingly on her shelf), on which in addition to cutting out the storage area, I’ve lined it with green velvet (sorry, I know the picture doesn’t show that) and framed it in foil. It really turned out nicely. I’ve made a few others as well, including some non-square ones to fit specific items.

After the break are more pictures and some food experiments too.


Half empty entry

Here’s a foil taxidermy I made for no particular reason. I don’t like how it turned out. I wanted it to be cute but it isn’t at all, and making it out of foil rather than a darker matte finish was a poor choice. So I think this is a failure (trust me, this is a good picture of it — it really doesn’t look very good).

Today we went to the Royal Winter Fair and looked at all the animals and then the halls filled with people selling stuff that they’d imported from China masquerading as local craftsmanship (I got a gorgeous wooden bowl that I was a lot less happy with once I realized it was made by slave labor, which is my fault for once again falling for a too-good-to-be-true price), as well as lots of people selling preserves and other skills that are much more satisfying to do oneself at home. I’m probably grumpy from the difficulty and discomfort of walking so far (admittedly I spent much time sitting while Caitlin took Nefarious around the halls), but I’m really struck every time I go to the events at the CNE grounds what a horrible crowd of gelatinous ugliness I find myself surrounded with. Most people are just horrible, and maybe I forget that because I’ve spent most of my life surrounding myself with beautiful people, both in my real life and with BME, which is, to me, the very definition of self-actualized beauty. But the bunnies sure were nice.

Anyway, I used the last of my leftover silicone to try and cast a mold over a sculpture that I’ve grown less happy with over time. My drive is to make complex and detailed masters, but really for soap, it’s better to just keep it simple in terms of the design. This is not. But it didn’t matter because I didn’t have enough silicone to make a proper mold, and the front half broke apart (so the nose is all messed up) and this was a one-time-deal because the bits of the mold are now in the garbage.

In a couple days I’m back at the hospital’s pain clinic and I’m dreading it. If it wasn’t for needing to stick through this long enough to discover whether I’ve passed this curse on I wouldn’t bother because it’s been such a continual betrayal by a healthcare system that I desperately want to believe in. The last few times they’ve treated me like a drug-seeking addict and done nothing to help me. Not that prejudiced profiling is ever OK, but I suppose I understand how they could do that back when I had no “medical evidence”, but I’ve had diagnostic proof that something was going very, very wrong for a long time (ie. the CT scan, the nerve/muscle conductivity tests, strength tests, and so on) and it didn’t do a bit of good convincing them to help me. All I have now that I didn’t have before is a name for the disorder. Why should that make a difference? And if they don’t help me, what then? I mean, do I sue them? At what point does what they’re doing become so obviously cruel that it’s as wrong as any wartime torture? How is it OK to allow someone to live like this? I can sympathize with my family doctor, who is not an expert in either pain management let alone exotic muscle diseases saying that she’s afraid to lose her license — doctors have been criminally prosecuted for being too generous with pain treatment — but what is someone in my position to do? I have done everything they’ve asked and it sure feels like it’s never enough for them… We’ll see what happens, but given that they’ve already misplaced the paperwork with my diagnosis (thankfully I had the sense to take a photo of it before leaving), I’m more than a little worried.

Some more work has been done on the dollhouse, but it’s being played in now so it’s more like living in a house and renovating it at the same time. Much of what’s left is stuff that Nefarious can do on her own as well which is nice.

Oh and in more interesting news, Nefarious starts — after much begging (from her, not from me) — her BJJ classes in a few days. Should be a better outlet for all that energy than the ambitious and committed [but all in good fun] play fighting at school which is surely going to get someone hurt and/or in trouble eventually. It’s nice to have someone — two people really, as Caitlin has become a junior gym rat this year — to live vicariously through.

Well, as always I’m not bothering to proof read this rambling nothing, so I hope I have at least not reversed any meanings. And don’t think it’s all sadness and pain here. I’m sure I’m just off-loading my exhaustion and hatred of my physical experiences into this keyboard. Caitlin and I spent an hour last night laughing over my pronunciation of “alumimum” (to say nothing of “pronoun-ciation”). I guess those are the things that get you through. Oh and I’ve been liking streaming Netflix too. Unless I’m missing something it’s an awesome deal being able to watching any movies I want, non-stop 24/7, for under $10 a month.