Wednesday, March 28, 2001
There's a right way to ask for a favor, and then there's a wrong way. I just got this email asking for access to IAM (this is from a person who's never helped BME):
Subject: zepcakes
give im me a name bitch
Then it was followed up by a second message:
Subject: add me add me
zepcakes should be my use name and my passcode being emocore
thanks for nothing
Yeah, that's really going to go over well. You'll never see LeftWingLester@aol.com having an account here.
I wonder if they use emocore as their password anywhere else… If I didn't have to leave right now to bring the TT to get a new tire, I'd check.
Everybody, rock your body right: Funmail is back, all right!
This first one wins the doublethink award:
From: "andreas ***"
Subject: how to get application
how can I get an application to your website w/o an application
Hmmm… Maybe it's a riddle?
From: CkBud1313@aol.com
Subject: (no subject)
i was just wondering if you had any pics of peircings
Piercings? Pictures? No, I don't have anything like that… In fact, I don't think anything like that exists anywhere online. This next one wins a Darwin Award I think:
From: DArKNeEdLFrEeQ@aol.com
Subject: (no subject)
how exactly is a tongue venom pierced, i mean the placement? is it straight through the veins on the bottom ? thank you
Yeah, right through the veins. That's how you can tell the placement is perfect. Don't pay any attention to the deep blue color your tongue has turned… That's normal. This next mail wasn't actually sent to me. It was sent to one of the automated systems. It's always weird what people send to the robots:
From: "Roger ***"
Subject: Re: Previous BME membership not found
so slave we back on track? you still wanna be my boy for life? Ill take ya and get there as soon as I can. Be patient!! still want ta know why you want me for your M?
Someone is just a little too obsessed with the lifestyle!
It always cracks me up when I get mails like the next one… The “I'm 100% man… or am I?” syndrome.
From: "trina.spurr"
Subject: (no subject)
hello my name is peter and recently I got my eye brow pierced.when I went into the shop I asked for them 2 do the male side.it is the first time I have had any body piercing done.they did my right eye brow and I was just wondering if that is the right side because I am 100% male and a few of my friends have said that I should have had my left eye brow done and they are calling me a puff...please get back and tell me if there is a male side to have pierced if there is can you give me any advice on what 2 do now because there must be something I can do about these cowboys that is if they have pierced the wrong side thanks for your time
Sorry Peter, I guess you're gay now. Not much you can do about it. But really, other than the uncomfortable conversation you'll have to have with your parents it's really quite fun.
From: u02lai@abdn.ac.uk
Subject: pain
Shannon?
tell me do you have a load of painfull metal fittings all over your body? if so where?
I don't know if that was an insult? Well, as the Backstreet Boys always say, “As long as there'll be music we'll be coming back again”. I've got so much funmail still to post… And it keeps coming.
Well, in the daylight the tree damage really isn't so bad. I wouldn't be surprised if they just pull the dent out and repaint it (in “Yellowstone” as Mercedes calls it). Nothing internal is hurt, and only the hood, probably the easiest body panel to work with is damaged at all. So that's good news.
If the repair bill is just a few hundred dollars, I'll just swallow it I suppose. If it's more, I sue my neighbor who apparently is legally responsible. I suppose at least it fell on a car… It could have fallen on someone at a BBQ. Better a crushed hood than a crushed skull.
On Monday I'll take it in to the body shop that fixed my TT when William J Pugliese, Jr. of 20 Woodsend Crescent in Aurora, Ontario (License number P9140-78557-80103) smashed into it with his 1998 Dodge Durango. As far as I could tell he was drunk. He was arguing with a parking attendant (he didn't want to pay), and then the idiot put it in reverse instead of drive and gunned it, taking out the front of the TT in the process. Then he took off, so the police have charged him with hit and run — unfortunately they didn't catch him in time to nail him with drunk driving. I have to go to court this September about it. He claims he thought he'd “just hit the curb.”
I just went for a walk and when I came back I saw something horrible: A huge tree branch broke off the tree in my back yard and fell right in the middle of the hood of my Mercedes SLK 230… It's CRUSHED! Damn squirrels!
I'll take a more depressing photo tomorrow when it's light. At least it's insured…
