Shannon Larratt is Zentastic

[Prescript: Check out the crazy paintings Caitlin found].

Today’s bloodwork — just two vials today — was to confirm or rule our Becker’s Muscular Dystrophy, one of the forms that they think I could have (and there are many more possibilities; this one is just a common one so it’s high in the testing queue) — and they seem quite certain that the diagnosis is going to be some form of dystrophy, but they’re not sure yet what sort. It’s also unusual I think for someone to have significant pain issues from MD like I do, but I’m thinking that could be because of the overlap of the CRPS that was caused by the nerve damage after my bone growth surgery. One “interesting” side effect of the nerve damage is that scattered across my leg are “Dim Mak” pressure points, that if they’re touched in a specific way send disturbing electrical shocks through treelike pathways in the leg — presumably the damaged nerve bundle lights up its entire sensor grid — and that sensation sustains for as long as pressure is kept on the point (and then it instantly, like a switch, disappears when the pressure is released — and can be turned back on just as quickly, ad infinitum).

Today I also got the results back from my CT scan — if you recall the photos, you’re probably as surprised as I am to find out that they could see meaningful information in them given what seems to me to be a limited amount of detail. The doctor tells me that in the specific muscles that I’m complaining about he can see that the muscle is breaking down and not rebuilding, but instead being replaced with fatty tissue. I suppose this may explain why when I fall over, it doesn’t really feel like my legs are weak — it feels more like they’re just not there, like they’re replaced with jello… The fall comes as a complete surprise to me, so I think my brain believes that it’s doing everything right, sending the “flex” command just like it should, but because it’s sending the signal to a bunch of zero-strength non-muscle cells, nothing ends up happening and this comes as a surprise to the brain which doesn’t understand why there’s a malfunction. I don’t know though if that relates to reality any more than a witch-doctor’s explanation, but that’s a glimpse into the experience anyway.

Here — below on the swing — is the happy face that gets me through the day, along with Caitlin — and without those two, I would have checked out some time ago. Together they make me treasure the time I have, and give me the desire to gather any waning strength into bundles that I can give them, that we can share. Talking to Saira and talking to my father, do the same, and my family and my extended family of friends, online and off, help a lot as well. I don’t think it’s that everyone helps me through the dark and difficult times (not that help in these times isn’t massively appreciated), no, it’s that they make the good moments even more good, and I think that’s the way I need to look at my life — the many good moments that I have had, and continue to have. Anyway, enough of what I don’t mean to sound whiny especially when I’m saying that I don’t want to dwell on the negative — as I’ve said over and over I love my life, the people in it, and am very grateful to fate for all its gifts.

I was going to do some editing of book text today, but I’m just way too tired (writing this entry was exhausting!) so I think I’ll do some drawing instead… The funny thing is that the reason I’m tired is that I stayed up late drawing, so I worry that I will now go and start a drawing project, and it will again coerce me into staying up late to finish it, and then… well, the whole thing starts over again and the book editing falls further and further behind as my stack of animation test reels grows. Sneaky. I will do my best to shut off my computer, curl up on the couch with Caitlin for Survivor, and then crawl up the stairs to the loft for bed.

Wish me luck!