Delivery

Hey, being in pain isn't so bad if it gets you boobmails!

Full email trimmed for identity protection! Anyway, since I'm a primitive person that operates on simple action-reward pathways, let me continue blabbering…

One of the things I struggle with is debating how much of what I'm experience is real, and how much is either a malfunction with nerves in my body or a coping mechanism in my brain that I haven't yet understood on a conscious level. I mean, obviously a percentage of the pain is real because I doubt it would wake me up otherwise, but I am almost certain that there are times when it feels worse than it is. For example, when I dry my leg, there's the dead part, which just feels messed up because I can feel it through the towel with my hand, but my leg can't feel the towel… I don't even really know how to describe it. It's just “not there”. However, it's surrounded by a two inch or so border of skin that's intensely painful from any contact, and then the rest pretty much feels normal. So I wonder if that really painful border zone is painful because there's some kind of healing or nerve regrowth happening, or if it's because my brain is compensating for the invisible part.

Speaking of coping mechanisms and there being a disconnect between what's really happening on a subconscious level and what is going on consciously, here's an interesting example. Say I have to bend over/squat down and pick up a barbell. I can do the motion without difficulty without a bar there, and the weight is easy, but the instant I touch the bar, my body instantly shifts my weight off of my legs and into my arms, so I'm holding most of my weight with my arms instead of my legs. The more I try and push with my legs or even try and change the position of my back, the more I can feel myself pushing pretty much the opposite way with my arms… It's really quite strange, watching yourself think one thing and do something else, but I think that's because your conscious mind may yell commands at your subconscious, but it doesn't always listen if it thinks you're doing the wrong thing (just like most people can't force themselves to hold their breath that long, even though they're in no danger at the point they give up). What's even weirder is that as soon as I let go of whatever is supporting me, my weight shifts instantly, full strength comes back to my legs, and I can control the motion again.

Anyway, all of this is quite interesting because it's made me think a lot about how my brain functions and how conscious perception and control mechanisms actually relate to reality and result… And of course there's the boobmail benefits too, haaa.

Well, off to the gym for a different sort of pain!

Wow Shannon, that's really annoying! What is it, 1997 on Geocities? Retroweb is NOT cool!

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