Shannon Larratt is Zentastic

After a high stress morning I definitely needed a good sandwich for lunch. A pair of toasted sesame seed bagels with a spicy tahini butter (tahini, freshly powdered hot pepper, and lime) and garlic fried zucchini and red onion topped with sprouts. I've now used up that set of ingredients — I'm sure you noticed they were in each of the last few meals — so next time the option change.

I got email from someone telling me that I'm an “amateur” for using a spice grinder to make fresh powders — they insisted that a real cook would use a mortar and pestle. Arguments about whether that's right or not (and where I could even find one down here) aside, that I'm an “amateur” is sort of the point of these entries. I'm not a chef and make no claim to be… I'm just someone who enjoys making his own food, and wants to encourage others to do the same!

To make this entry interesting to those who couldn't care less about vegan cooking, here's a few emails I've gotten recently about things on BME.

Re: horizontal hood
that is fucking sick...get your fucking lips cut bitch

Re: anal stretching
If you stretch too hard, the skin on your back will rip up and your spine will fall on the floor. Tough luck.

Re: ball torture
LOL!! There are some seriously fucked up people out there! LOL!! you have to be seriously disturbed to do ANYTHING like this!!

Re: Mr. Lifto
Lifto is an effeminate looser and fool. I know him from the bar he worked in on 6th street in Austin. He's a pathetic, tragic individual trying to compensate for being a "queer" when he was in school. I would imagine the he was in the marching band or most likely a band wanna be.

Re: magic mushrooms
dont get any thing pierced while high on shrooms! bad i dea i thort the guy was a murderer and was stabbing me

Re: fuck you
this shit is fake

Re: anal stretching
I stretched my anal so far it ripped. Now i can fit my dog in my ass

Re: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO YOUR ASS HOLYMOTHERFUKCINGSHIT~!!!! I have an idea ... DONT SHOVE THINGS IN YOUR ASS. Just a goddamn suggestion ... maybe things in your ass ISNT a good idea. Bear with me here I know it seems unconventional but things in you bum = tearing ass not good ohmygod bad. going poopie alot and farting, and theres always the risk of poopin your pants thats not good. might also make you shit like a goose, sink to the bottom of the pool if you go swimming, leave a brown ring on all of your underware, loseing the soap up the hole, farting with out knowing it, a weird sound if the wind blows and of course the risk of getting kicked in the butt in a fight or something and they lose a shoe up there

Re: Scrotal splitting
If you do this, none of your friends will ever talk to you again...or even be able to look you in the face.

Re: Penectomy
MY PENIS IS IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
IT IS SHRINKING AND I CANNOT ERECTED FULLY ANYLONGER.
I THINK IT EVEN MIGHT DROP OFF.
WHAT CAN I DO. WHERE CAN I GO.
FOR I WONT BE ABLE TO HAVE SEX AGAIN...
HEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!!!
PENIS MAYBE WITH GANGREEN....

I have about two thousand unopened messages like this.

And you wonder why I have problems keeping up with my mail.