I just want water I just want an ocean An endless river to wash away all of my tears

Apparently I was using my computer last night and have zero memory of doing so. At least when blackouts involve blogging there's a record thereof… maybe that's not a good thing, I don't know. It is a little disturbing to come to one's page in the morning and see something like that.

In a bid to end this current wave of madness and get some much needed rest I tried going to sleep in a different bed in a different room. As feared, by 3 AM I was awake. I tried switching beds… Just lay there thinking about algorithms that might pull something meaningful out of pi, but no sleep came even though I know I need it more and more every day.

     I don't even feel it
But lord how I need it
When I'm not with her
I'm not all myself
Sometimes have my breakfast right
Off of a mirror
And sometimes I have it
Right out of a bottle

To pass the time I listened to a few old CDs and it's a little disconcerting how similar my life is to any given Spiritualized album. One of the things that I don't like about being in Mexico is the lack of pot. I think it pushes me to want alternate medications. It's not that marijuana isn't here — I could get it easily — it's that it's very illegal and I promised Rachel I wouldn't break that law. But I can legally get oxycodone pills and every day I struggle not to crush them into powder, dissolve them, and push that sweet medicine into my veins and feel it run down my spine.

Anyway, I feel like my page here is becoming a bit of a trainwreck, something that people read not because they enjoy it or have some respect for my writing or ideas, but because there's a sick, morbid fascination with watching me crumble... like some sort of non-famous Britney Spears gossip...

Rachel will be back later today. I think I will feel better then and she'll put the pieces back together.

She's my sunset. Without sunsets, the stars don't come out.
Wow Shannon, that's really annoying! What is it, 1997 on Geocities? Retroweb is NOT cool!

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