Along those lines, I saw the funniest headline and article I've ever seen about him… I assume it's an old parody, but it's got enough tidbits that whoever wrote it obviously knows him. Excerpt:
LOCAL MORON ACHIEVES RECORD, FAILS AT LIFE. WINNIPEG, Manitoba (Reuters) - With speed-metal music on his headphones and a picture of his favorite food, carrot cake, beside him, a 34-year-old Canadian pinned down the world record for body piercing on Wednesday."I'm pretty happy. I would've liked to do 1,000, but now that I'm done, I realize 700 is a helluva lot. And right now it looks like I've been in a car accident ... There's quite a lot of blood. Careful, I smell hepatitis!"
The previous world record-holder had 200 piercings, and was the subject of a popular song by the Tragically Hip, entitled "38 years old: never kissed a girl." The song went on to reach #11 on the Canadian Billboard Top Ten.
"I'm more nervous about the (television) cameras than the friggin' piercing," he said to a crowd of reporters.
"This is too weird: I'm not used to all this attention."
When pressed, Moffatt said he meant to say that he is "not used to all this positive attention." Negative attention, however, is something he is painfully all-too-familiar with.
"People crossing the street to avoid walking past you, nobody wanting to sit beside you on the bus, the stares when you go to the local convenience store to buy some milk and apply for work. Teenagers throwing things at you, like snowballs and bottles. Stuff like that, I'm used to by now."
Once done, he left the needles in for more than five minutes. Taking them out, he said, hurt far more than putting them in. Moffatt compared the pain to "getting your junk slammed in the trunk of a car repeatedly," something he wouldn't rule out for his next attempt at breaking a record.
Moffatt said he planned to celebrate his achievement with a long bath, a cigar and some panhandling. But would he do it again? "Sure, I'd do it again. After I forget about the pain."
But seriously Brent, don't tattoo your face with the GoldenPalace logo. I say this out of genuine concern for you, not to try and steal your desperate grab at fame. You will regret it. I suppose with the $10,100 auction having closed it may be too late to back out now, but if you can get out, get out. And GoldenPalace, you should be ashamed of yourselves, taking advantage of and abusing an unstable and troubled individual like this. I know I shouldn't care about these people, but I just hate to see something as special as facial tattoing being used like this.
I make the same warning to all who are selling their foreheads or other blatantly public skin to advertisers. It's a deal with the devil that will not serve your lives positively in the long run. Even if you think you can just “tattoo over it” or get it removed in the future, the damage runs deeper than that, both in terms of physical scarring and spiritual scarring, and you will never truly recover and it will live with you until the end of your days.
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