Earlier this week I got the following email. The image attached to it is a well known image that's been ripped off from a German medical magazine after a scrotal stretching complication — this person just did a really poor job blurring out their logo and then sent it to me as their own:
From: "paashaasist 4"
To: submissions@bmezine.com
Date: Wed, 27 Aug 2003 183558 +0200
Subject: my nuts
Outside of anything else (like being criminal), this type of thing is just insulting and crass… Kind of like dropping fake $20 bills at your local cornerstore. Anyway, the reply:
From: Frank O'DerbyThank you so much for sending in this wonderful photograph of your tattooed scrotum. It's very realistically done, it almost looks as if you really got very injured.
What made you decide on such an unusual design?
I've added your picture to the site, and will be sending you your membership, as well as a card containing a $1000 prize as you have won our "Raynutz's Nuts of the Week" contest. Where should we send this prize and your membership? I will need a mailing address.
Thank you again,
Frank O'Derby
Customer Service
OK, now… he obviously knows its stolen. At this point he can either escalate it to “real crime” rather than what he probably thinks isn't hurting anyone, or he can back off (or he can grow a brain and realize he's being messed with). Guess what…
From: "paashaasist 4"
Subject: Tattoo balls [note: he added this subject]First of al I'm very hounered that I won the Raynutz's Nuts of the Week contest.
I took this design, because most people take things like a tribal or a bug. I wanted something different than other people, so I took a injured balls. I'm glad you like it.
I've got a few questions. Will I get a full membership, or a extreme2 membership. MY other guestion was, how are you going to send me those $1000? Do you need my postal adres or something.
I will hear from you again, greetings mike manuel
What a fuck. Not cool at all… So he's saying that not only is he willing to steal someone else's photo, steal “their” membership (if anyone's), he's also willing to use it to commit major international wire fraud. Interesting.
From: Frank O'DerbyFascinating story about your tattoo.
We need either a postal address or bank information that we can wire it to. Either is fine. The membership will be of course a full membership.
Frank O'Derby
Department of Balls
OK, now with “Department of Balls”, you have to wonder… is he really dumb enough to send his banking details and be willing to commit fraud in a way that would instantly catch him?
From: "paashaasist 4"
Subject: bank accountMy bank account is at ABN AMRO Amsterdam. My account number is 58 13 67 952. As you can see, I live in Holland. I hope it's not a problem for the $1000.
You can e-mail me if you need some more information.
Can you also send me the membership name plus code.
Thank you very much,
mike manuel
What an idiot. Part of me thinks I should have just send the thousand dollars and then handed it to the authorities, but instead I just sent a note that said “hello prison”… Not that I think he's smart enough to actually learn from this.
Anyway. It's sadly not uncommon:
From: K8Ep123
Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 173954 EDT Subject: nikki's cute little bellebuttonbelly bar; bellybutton; chrissy's wittle bewy butin
It's one thing dealing with some masturbation-deprived loser, but Franko figured he should handle this one slightly differently:
From: Frank O'Derby
Subject: Re: nikki's cute little bellebettonThank you so much for sending in these pictures of your bellebutton. I've added your pictures to the site, and will be sending you your membership, as well as a card containing a $1000 prize as you have won our "Big Bob's Belly Bonanza" prize this week (sponsored of course by Big Bob of the Belly Button Boppers himself).
Where should we send this prize and your membership? I will need a mailing address. In addition, since this prize is co-sponsored by MTV, we will like to know whether it would be alright if Ashton Kutcher filmed the award ceremony for his new television show "Ashton and Big Bob's Wild World of Wankers".
If you do not want to appear on the show that's fine and you will still win the prize.
Thank you again,
Frank O'Derby
Customer Service
Again, I wonder… Will greed win out?
From: K8Ep123
Subject: Re: nikki's cute little bellebuttonyou can send it to
10109 NE 153st Bothell W.A 98011
but I wouldn't like to be on the show, thanks any ways!
NIKKI
Surprise surprise. You're doing wonders for my faith in humanity, Franko. At least this next message was (I assume) from a decent person, albeit somewhat misguided:
I am a professional dominatrix in **** and have come across a large amount of lidocaine w/epinephrine. I have 1 canister that is still sealed and sterile and I am wondering if you might like to purchase it at a good price and re-sell it to your customers?The lot expires in May of 2004.
I would be more than happy to give you more details if you are interested.
Thank you,
**** ****
Hmm…. Should BMEshop illegally purchase lidocaine of an unknown origin on the black market, or should it legally purchase it from the manufacturer? Yeah, I think we'll stick with being law-abiding, but thanks for the offer.
A while back we got this refund demand; it's not an unusual request and we tend to do them without really thinking twice about them:
Subject: refundDear bmezine.com
I am sorry to say that my son used my credit card this morning to gain access to your sight (he's 15). I am banning him from computer use for six months and locking up my credit cards. However I am applying for a refund of the amount ($10.00).Thank you for your time and I know that this will NOT happen again from this household.
Sincerley,
Chuck ***
Now, if it was true, clearly this is something that we'd take seriously and deal with immediately. But the truth of it was that this was actually a step-parent using the account to spy on his daughter-in-law — the logs were quite clear on the matter. Not only that, but he doesn't even have a 15 year old son.
It's one thing to spy on your adult kid on IAM — that's despicable enough, it's like breaking into their house and reading their diary. But what kind of fuck does it and then tries to scam a refund? My reply:
We've already talked to your ADULT daughter about this and we've been informed that you do not have a 15-year old, and that this was just a scam to get access to her diary. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't report you for credit fraud to your bank and the authorities who will take this FELONY very seriously.
Of course he apologized, but I doubt that it'll make much difference…
On a non-BME note, I get funmail wherever I go. A few days ago I got this not about PB/CC programming — which isn't unusual, and I regularly help people out on the subject and enjoy doing so:
From: frktons
Subject pb/cc - can you help?Hi Glider
I'm looking for any stuff related with pb/cc 3 and superior
In powerbasic site I could not find any real useful thing.
If you have any doc,pdf,chm,txt,exe,etc... that you can share please let me know from where I can download them.Thanks
Salvatore
Now, I'm totally not cool with piracy. If I have a commercial product that I think is good, sometimes I'll give a copy to a friend temporarily, but only those that I trust will purchase the product if they like it (which is no different in my opinion than lending a friend a CD). But anyway, I replied and said that I'd be glad to help, but I wasn't really sure what he meant. He replied,
From: frktons
Subject: Re: pb/cc - can you help?Hi Shannon
I'm trying to collect everything available to assemble a "PowerBasic Learning Pack" to put on the net to the public domain for those who want to learn powerbasic pb/cc.
At the moment I don't have anything yet.
So anything you have, even the compiler itself, or tutorials, manuals, help
files related to pb/cc can be of much help.Thanks for your attention.
Salvatore
WTF? The dude wants to make a site for helping people learn PB, and he's never even used the product? “Please send the compiler”… Yeah, nice try buddy…
Anyway.
I'm going to make some lunch now.
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