Sort of a funmail, if you are an experience reviewer anyway. Let's first look at “Self Piercing (GOOD or BAD? Find out here!!!)“. They were denied for two things; first of all they spent the last half of their experience complaining about word count, plus they never put i in caps. Their response:
ok listen up ass, i had a good this here, and if u couldnt see that this was good then you should not be doing this!!!
and maybe i wanna bitch about the words like who wants to fill out 800 words and if i wanna get my belly button pierced at 11 i will u cant tell me what to do.
From: "m.r" <gemini667790@yahoo.com>
The thing that surprised me is that shortly afterwards they decided to write another experience, called, literally, “*~12 year old girl gets belly doen!!~*“. It was also universally turned down, and broke pretty much every rule that had been laid out. Their response?
u cant tell me what to do ok
ok listen up here
I'm sure they'll submit another soon enough.
This next person didn't include the name of their experience in their email, so I'm not sure what it was exactly, but I'm sure the reviewers will remember a poorly written “stretched nostril” piercing about a 14ga nostril from the UK. Anyway, here was their response to getting turned down, in two emails:
Okay, right. It isn't any of your fault. But can you kindly tell the people who reviewed my experience to fuck themselves? Half of them can't spell themselves, and they're telling me to correct some spelling errors? No offence. But whoever you let into your reviewing bit need to get their heads from up their own arses. Snooty bastards. And yes. I am complaining.
Subject: Fucking pissed off #2.
A few more things I'd like to add to the obnoxious arseholes that turned my experience down. Oh, I'm not mad at having the experience itself turned down, I've had many submitted and used, but the comments used by them were pig ignorant.
1) I didn't get the studio to stretch because I WANTED TO DO IT MY FUCKING SELF. Is that alright? Now, as you can tell, I am very annoyed. =c) Thankyou for your time in reading this. Put this on BME. I dare you.
From: JenaliciousMooLa@aol.com
Subject: Fucking pissed off.
2)I fancy myself as an expert? All I'd like to say to them is: ''Go suck your own cock, you stupid motherfucker.''
3)It might not be large gauge, but 1.6 isn't exactly 'normal' is it?
4) Yes, I warned people about the dangers of doing this yourself, where exactly did I state YOU SHOULD stretch your own nostril? No-where. Exactly. Fuck you.
5)Really. To the first person who wrote the comment about me thinking I'm an expert? PLEASE. Get murdered and die. You pig fucker. 6) 'How does jamming a stud into your nostril make it large
gauge? Bad advice, too' Bite me, fuck head. IT'S CALLED STRETCHING, NOSTRIL PIERCINGS ARE PIERCED AT 1MM. I STRETCHED IT TO 1.6. USING A TAPER TO STRETCH IT WOULD BE STUPID, WOULDN'T IT, YOU FUCKWIT.
7)And who the fuck are these people? Readers of BME? I suggest you point and lagh at these guys in the street. ''There are several spelling mistakes which lower the quality of this experience, consider correcting them before re-submitting your experience.'' WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO 'SUGGEST' WHAT I DO. Clusterfuck.
Hey, she asked me to post it!
This next one was a “mild deny” — that is, the writer was simply asked to clean up a few parts and resubmit, rather than a “hard deny” where the experience is basically totally turned down. This was for “My First Tattoo at 14!!“
I would like you to know, that my experience was GOOD and well writen. You and your editor people are retarded. I'm not gonna resubmit my experience cause your no longer worth my time. I am surprised that anyone's stories would be accepted with your unbelieveably HIGH standards. AND SHE DID DO A WONDERFUL "JOG"
From: "chantel macdonald" <telly_55@hotmail.com>
I got the experience my “first facial piercing!“ from someone calling themselves “Ruff 69 Ryderz” which was absolutley attrocious and was turned down by every single reviewer that read it… Their response,
well.. all i have 2 say 2 ur LIL ppl who revued this is.. fuck u i mean u no wat i made a few mistakes..dont be so god damn harsh having ppl say shit about ur expirence like that is just gonna make them stop using ur site so break ur self fo0l fuck u
The author of “Can you say hot, sexy chick with belly button ring ??“, who goes by the online handle “CheerChic”, wanted everyone to know,
to all those "readers" out there: who gives a fuck if words were misspelled big fucking deal!!! it toook 30 minutes to right that damn thing and i add irrelevant info because there is no way i could write 800 words without some of it. And to those who thin it is not true they need to see it because i promise you it is pierced. so why does it matter if i post it or not i was just trying to be helpful to other people. ill go post my experience elsewhere.
Or then there's “Spoil Me 343″ who wrote the experience “My pain was worth it boys dig chicks with piercings“ which was also universally turned down for obvious reasons (the whole thing is written in text-messaging code) was asked to fix the grammar and spelling problems and replied,
hows this for grammar fuck off
Then there was also “Thinking about getting your navel pierced?“ which was nothing but “take care of your navel” repeated over and over and over until it reached 800+ words. When they were turned down, they (“Cherries”) replied:
You mother fucking, slut, whore, cunt, bitch. You better never fucking contact me again with that kind of language! SO FUCK OFF!!!
“*M*Y* B*E*L*L*Y* B*U*T*T*O*N *P*I*E*R*C*I*N*G*“ is pretty damn bad as well; among other things, I think every single sentance ends in an explanation point! They weren't happy being turned down either:
SCREW ALL UR WHORES BItCHES MOTHER FUCKERS
From: AngelBaby01158@aol.com
We could also look at the all-lower-case i experience, “stretching them your self“, who's author “Tragedies” had the following advice for us when his experience was turned down for that and complaining about word count and lots more:
you can all suck my balls
Or there's “Lalita's” mostly filler experience about her belly button entitled, “IT DIDN'T EVEN HURT!!!!!!!“ — she was none to thrilled with being turned down either, and asked me to pass on the following message to the review team:
YOU didn't provide speel check and it's not my folt I'm dislcsic and have a hard tiem typing you morons. I spent almost an HOUR typin thaet in and you took it away. I'm NEVER goin to uyour site again. Insultive MORONIC BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! screw you people you think you knows it ALL. FAGS
From: Viona <hobbit@comcast.net>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
The person who wrote “*Third*Times*A*Charm*“ was simply asked to split the experience into paragraphs. They replied,
shut up you mother fuckers
From: ZBeachGirlZ@aol.com
This person, who wrote nothing but “i i i i i i i” to fill out 75% of their experience “frenum ; o“, was of course told it was unacceptable to submit a fake experience by cheating on the word count. They replied,
ass hole now im sorry but i have an extreme cace of dyslexia, and it is hard for me to wright. it just pissed me off that you called me a lier.
responed.
From: randal staats <packmanjd@yahoo.com>
not that it maters but my story is not fake. the reason i iiiii typed such a short story was because thats was all that happened. have you ever read something for a long time then realised it could have been all sumed up in a cupple of good paragraphs(this happens all the time on the net)? that sucks doesnt it, a complete waste of time. i wanted to tell a truthful and short story. i did not want to wright a long ass story bitching and whining about the pain. sence you think im so full of shit i will do one thing for you. my 18th b day is on the 29th of may. on that day i will send a picture of my dick with a frenum piercing that looks bedder then all the ones on your sight.
Or then there's the one paragraph, one sentance, all-lower-case jumble of letters called “MY SNEAKY LiL iDEA“. Its author, “LiL DEE ROX” replied,
I PERSONALLY THINK THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE COMPLETE MORANS WHO HAVE SOMETHING BAD TO SAY AND ID LIKE TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE THEY THINK THEIR THE HOTTEST THING UNDER THE SUN ND IMA TELL EM WHERE TO GO UR OWN STAFF SHOULD READ THESE NOT LIL STUCK UP AZZWHOLES
From: XLiDDLEONEZX@aol.com
This horrendous “OMG-style” experience, “13 with a navel ring…..can you say SEXY!!!“, was turned down for obvious reasons. Their response was somewhat bizarre:
listen all you dumb-ass readers, i dont give a fuck if you liked my story, just beacause i have a nice body doesn't mean you have to be jealous like my step mom.
From: "Brittany Hartog" <beachbabe199@hotmail.com>
One thing I found fascinating about that one is that they spell their name “Britney” in their experience, but “Brittany” in their email. Odd. Then there's “look at this story-short but important before gettin ur tongue pierced“, which filled out its word count with “MN MN MN” over and over. It was of course denied, and naturally generated a response,
hahaha ya not alnly did i do this piercing a now work at sink in ink in hamiltion ontario i my not b the best speller but i can tell ppl how it really feels BECOUSE I NOW TATTOO AND PIERCE PPL so fuck ur readers
From: "andrew chandler" <andler101@hotmail.com>
This response, to being turned down on “ear stretching with a tv antenna“ for not using paragraphs (which can easily be fixed of course; just resubmit with them!) really amused me… At least it was funny:
well atleast give me a free membership. you i mean you put me down you bad mouthed me you should atleast give me a membertship for like 2 weeks. c'mon 2 weeks thats barely any time
From: Angeldust72686@aol.com
This next experience, “My pointless ear stretching experience“, which starts with the wise words, “I am obsesed with Blink182 and Tom and Travis have their ears stretched so I figures what the hell I'll do it!”, was rejected and got the following simple response,
you all fucking suck
And that's the end of that!
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